Cancer Vs Crazy...........which one is winning?

         I really liked Ron's oncologist although I have shoes that look older than her.  Her manner was straight-forward but with a lot of compassion.  She told us that his cancer does not respond to chemotherapy or radiation, something I already knew but I don't think Ron had ever accepted.  She said his condition is very serious due to the size of the initial tumor and the fact that it appears to have spread to his left lung.  She did however recommend aggressively treating him with surgery to remove both tumors.  She said although this is a slim chance it is still a chance.  Ron was totally in shock.  I was surprised by his reaction as I thought he already understood most of this but I underestimated the power of denial.

       The first step is a lung biopsy to confirm the malignancy.  She is also concerned about the other 4 nodules that were found.  They are not growing but she can't rule out that they are also cancer.

        Step two is to go down and scope his stomach.  She needs to determine what is causing him to get sick when he eats.

        If the first two steps support the decision to proceed with surgery then the tumor at the kidney site will be removed first.  The lung surgery would be second.  I don't know how far apart the surgeries will take place.  

       After that it would be back to the routine of CAT scans every 3 months.  She said we would continue until or if something were to come back again and then it could mean another surgery.  We would do this for as long as it was feasible and as long as Ron could tolerate it.

       So, we have to wait some more but at least again hope is renewed, no matter how small.

       On the flip side, Mike is struggling again.  Decisions need to be made about long-term care but I don't know where to begin.  I have no energy left. 
       
        This morning I completely forgot I was supposed to be at an Infection Control meeting at 7am.  I was on the phone with my brother at the time trying to reassure him.  Poor Ron was making the bed and all of a sudden I just jumped up and tore the bed apart and started remaking it.  (not like me at all)  Then I burst into tears and started apologizing profusely for being mean.  I just lost it!  Ron held me and said, "You just don't feel you have any control over anything so you are taking it out on the bed."  Poor Guy-------he has a nut job for a caregiver!  But by gosh, that bed learned a thing or two!