Friday, December 31, 2010

Count your blessings instead of sheep!

Ok...I have to admit...this pace is catching up with me.  I'm extremely tired and that leaves me vulnerable to emotions.  Last night I thought I was on my last leg.  Mike had a fairly good day with a visit from his nurse.  She was testing his memory and asked him what he had for supper the night before.  He immediately looked at me and without thinking I prompted him.  Vivian noted...."Your sister's memory is great but let's test yours now."   Ooops 

It's apparent that Mike has suffered some kind of brain damage but to what extent is still unclear to me.  His memory (short term) is really fuzzy.  He insisted last night that today is not New Year's Eve because of leap year~!  Uhhhhh explain please.  He had some fumbled reason and then when I had him count the days and I said what is December 31st he couldn't tell me.  I asked what month comes next and he said February.   Sooo there are definitely some cognitive issues going on here.  He has absolutely no concept of finances or how much money he has. 

I always thought that his schizophrenia also caused him to be a little narcissistic.  He's always been demanding and will just wear you out with "get me this and get me that".  But now, he isn't so much as demanding as seemingly helpless.  He is barely ambulatory and his cane isn't really helping much.  Arthritis has just about ruined his knee and because his medicine has caused so much weight gain that is playing a huge impact on his mobility.  If he were to fall there would be no way I'd ever be able to get him up.

Last night I woke up about 3:00 a.m.  I was so anxious about Mike and Ron I couldn't sleep.  I realized that I really don't know how to pray.  I start questioning whether it is ok to pray for oneself or should it be only for others.  I'm afraid of being selfish.  I'm afraid to ask for anything for myself.  I'm afraid God will see through me to my real intention.  If I'm praying for a miracle for Ron will God really see that I'm selfishly asking for myself?  I don't want to lose Ron and I'm afraid.  I ask Him to help me be strong enough to accept His will.  "Thy will be done".  But I'm afraid to ask that His will be to let Ron live.  I have so much to learn!

Well, I have many errands to run today.  I'm trying to take care of medical paperwork for Mike and take down my Christmas tree sometime today before our weather turns to an Arctic blast.  Yesterday was 70 degrees....just beautiful.  But by this evening the temp. will be dropping drastically.  Good ole Oklahoma weather!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Best Day So Far

Mike had a great day today.  The meeting with his mental health case manager went well.  He has some ideas for referrals that will help Mike develop some independent living skills.  Mike will also see a psychiatrist at least once/month and his case manager as well.

The home health nurse called and she will see Mike twice a week for the next 3 weeks.  She wants to establish a relationship with Mike and gain his trust before she has any new people start coming into the house.  Because Mike is a paranoid schizophrenic it is important that he form a relationship with anyone who comes into the house.  I really like this nurse.  She already understands a lot about Mike.  It really touched my heart when she left yesterday she made a point to hug Mike good-bye.  I'm always sensitive to how people react to him and I want people to see his sweet side. 

Tomorrow they are delivering the new recliners I purchased for Mike and Ron.  I can just see them now sprawled out with the intention of watching a game on the big screen tv and both of them snoring away.

I haven't let myself even think about Ron's cancer.  It's more than I can handle right now.  February is looming out there but I just won't let myself go there.  I'm praying as hard as I can that they were wrong about it spreading to his lungs.  I'm praying for a miracle!  I believe miracles happen every day!

Good Day Yesterday

The home health nurse came yesterday and was with us about 4 hours.  She is a psychiatric nurse with many years experience working with adult males with psychotic illnesses.  We are soooo lucky.  She will see Mike once a week but she is requesting a home health nurse to also come weekly for medical issues and she is ordering physical therapy in the home as well.  She is also going to request a home aide that will help with house cleaning and cooking.  I've never been so  proud to be Native American.  All of this is being provided by the Choctaw Nation.  The American Government could learn a few things about compassion from the Indian health care service.

We have an appointment at Community Mental Health today with Mike's case manager and I'm hoping they can help with some ideas about medication and how to get it paid.  I've got several things working at once so surely something will come from that.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010


Kenju....I did as you suggested and called the nurse.  We have a new appointment on the 6th and she was able to help me with the meds.  Most of them were medications he had received at the clinic and I was just able to get refills.  The others are the anti-psychotic drugs and  I have enough of them to last until the 6th.  The doctor has to see him before he can write new prescriptions but we have time. Soooo all my anxiety was for nothing.

I have my older brother looking into a couple of nursing homes nearby but that would be my last resort.  I took Mike out to eat last night and I thought we were going to have a scene.  He got very argumentative about wanting to give the busboy a $20 tip.  He embarassed the poor kid and I thought I was going to have to call Ron to meet us there after work but I finally got Mike calmed down and just told him he's "not in charge"......I am.  It's a minute by minute challenge with him.  One minute he seems like the old Mike and the next he is saying crazy things that make no sense.

My daughter is meeting me this afternoon to help me get the spare room cleaned out and ready to paint.  As soon as I get that room ready Ron will move his furniture in and start staying there at night with Mike.  That will sure give me a break and make going to work easier as well.  I just don't know how long Ron will be able to do it.  We shall see!  ONE DAY AT A TIME....that's my motto!

When I get a chance I need to figure out how to use my new camera I got from Julie/Larry for Christmas!  Love it!  Just not smart enough to figure out how to use it.  I need lessons!  Jamie got me a digital frame to display the pictures I take once I learn how to take them.........

Well, I'm taking an hour for myself and going to soak in the tub before I get over to Mike's house.  Ron dropped Mike off this morning so I would have a little time for myself this morning and I'm not going to waste a minute of it.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Feeling Scared!

OK...It has been 1 week and 1 day since Mike was released from the hospital.  I filled his pill case today and there are about 5 medications that I will run out of in 4 days.  I am going to the Indian clinic tomorrow and beg them to write prescriptions.  I am trying to think of a backup plan if this fails.  Mike doesn't have a physician here in town so I don't know where I will go.  I thought about a minor emergency facility but that will be my last resort.  Mike has an appointment with his doctor at the clinic but not until Jan. 13th.  I can't wait that long for the prescriptions.

This is so hard.  Mike woke up a little while ago and told me he has a psychotic episode when he awakened he thought he was dying.  I told him he was probably startled and sometimes we get confused when that happens.  I really don't know.  He definitely has diliusional thinking.  He told me he wants to call the man who was his room mate at the mental hospital.  I had to tell him no.   I have to be careful about the relationships he forms because he can get too involved in other people's problems.  Next thing I'd know he'd be inviting someone to come and live with us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight is the first night I've had this nervous anxiety.  I've got to get it under control!

The Day After

Nope, not the day after the "big one" well, sorta I suppose.  It is the day after Christmas.  For some people it is a bit of a let down after so much anticipation but for me it is a calm morning full of potential.  I get to enjoy the Christmas lights for at least another week, although there are people in town who sometimes leave them up way into Spring! 

All the wrapping and trappings have been  removed and the Christmas dinner is a thing of the past.  Well, not past since a great deal of it now resides on my thighs.  But, who cares?  We are happy and content.  Or at least most of us.  Ron has a terrible cold and he has coughed and hacked his way through Christmas and if he isn't better by tomorrow much to HIS surprise he will find himself at the doctor's office.

I've been granddog sitting since last Thursday any my little charges are going home today.  They are sweet but I'm ready to be an empty nester again. (ha)  Now if they managed to call me Grandma they'd be staying forever.

I'm not sure what the day holds in store for me.  Mike will probably spend some time at his house today, since that is a goal we have set and he is doing very well.  He did tell me that he got lonely there yesterday but we talked about it and we know that lots of people have those feelings at times.  We discussed ways to cope with those feelings and I assured him that if it is ever too much for him then he only has to call and I'll pick him up.   I think he spent about 4 hours alone yesterday.  He did a load of laundry and folded and put it away.  He fixed himself a snack mid-afternoon.  He showered and put on his Christmas duds!  By 4:30 he was packed and ready to come back to my house.  (A successful day)

Mike has an appointment on the 29th (our mother's birthday) to meet with his mental health casemanager.  On Monday I'm going to the tribal clinic to talk to his doctor's nurse.  I need to get some of the prescriptions written that were ordered from St. Anthony's Hospital.  I have to have all this in order to apply for the prescription assistance.  I figure if I go in person I'll have a better chance of getting something done.

Sooooooooo happy December 26th!  May your day be filled with wonder!

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

This has been quite the holiday season for myself and my family!  There was no time for gift buying or any of the materials things associated with Christmas yet in so many ways it was one of the most meaningful Christmas's I've ever had.  When  you take away the tinsel and the commercial trappings of Christmas you are left with the truest meaning of the season.  Christ was born for each and everyone of us.  He is the greatest gift of all. 

I've learned that Love is the greatest gift and it doesn't require a bow.  My brother is teaching me that lesson every day.  He is providing me the opportunity to be the kind of person I want to be, to love someone more than myself and to walk the walk with God's help.  With God's help we will continue to take each day as it comes and I'm the one who is being blessed every day.

Merry Christmas Everyone..........I hope the New Year brings you joy, good health and much happiness!

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My mother's prayers are being answered!

Yesterday I did some searching on the internet for the drug Fanapt that cost us $700.00 Monday night.  I found a coupon for one 60 pill prescription (exactly what we had purchased).  I printed out the coupon and went back to Walgreens and with my most pitiful face I asked if they would honor the coupon and credit my bank card for the prescription purchased the night before.   AND THEY DID!  Hooray for Walgreens.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I have to fill out some paperwork for Mike today for a prescription program that I'm sure he will be qualified.  So faith perseveres.

Mike had a great day yesterday.  His mind is getting clearer and he's less anxious.  We are going to take him to my daughter's house tonight for family Christmas.  We are only going to have the immediate family in order to not overwhelm Mike.  Keeping it simple!

SO.....Merry Christmas to All!  I'm taking off after today and going to be on vacation until the 3rd of January!  I'm looking forward to some rest!


Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Life with Riley

Does anyone remember the TV show "Life with Riley"...or at least I think that was what it was called.  I don't actually remember the show but I remember the title.  Anyway.......I guess I'm in a sitcom of my own..."Life with Mike".  

Mike had a good day yesterday.  He made it all day by himself at his house.  He had his list and he followed it to the letter.  It was funny because as he completed a task and crossed it off he called me to tell me he had completed it.  This went on all day but thank goodness I work in such a compassionate place.  After all we deal with children with disabilities.

I picked him up after work but before we left his house we planned his day for today.  He said he couldn't do any mental work so we decided dusting the furniture would be a good job for today.  Of course I had to put a post-it note on every piece of furniture that needed dusting.  It was colorful to say the least.  He is also to shower and do one load of laundry.  He will fix his own lunch and snack today and then rest this afternoon.  

We discussed the voices again this morning and how he thought the receptionist at the doctor's office was speaking to him in code.  He also told me the news channel was trying to fool him and lying to him.  He wanted to know when they would stop using such exaggerated body language.

I said, "So, the news people are sitting around writing stories and saying, we can fool Mike Simpson with this story".  

Mike laughed and said, "That's not logical, they don't know my name."

"Bingo"  and we both chuckled a little.  However, it made me aware that we are sitting on the edge of his psychosis and I have to really stay aware of what's going on with him.

We had breakfast together this morning and talked about his plans for the day.  I told him he was going to his "office" for the day and I to mine.  Ron picked him up at 8:00 after I had left for work and was taking Mike to his "office" so we will see how day 2 proceeds.

I want Mike to spend the day in his own house because if there is a chance that he can become independent again he needs to get used to being at home again.  I know he can't stay alone at night but so far the day time is working out although one day probably is too soon to judge.

I thought I knew a lot about schizophrenia but I realize there is soooo much more to learn.  

Monday, December 20, 2010

So Much To Tell

Mike was discharged from St. Anthony's on Saturday after a lot of confusion by the staff.  Mike had called me on Friday and said he was being discharged Saturday morning but just to be on the safe side I had Butch call to confirm.  He was told (at 6pm Friday evening) "Why no, he's being discharged right now."  He's packed and waiting for you to pick him up."  Sooooo Butch called me and I said I'd call the charge nurse and see what's going on.  I called her and she said "No, he's being discharged Saturday morning."   Good grief.  Mike had it right all along and it makes you wonder just "who" is crazy!

So, Saturday morning Ron and I drove to St. Anthony's.  Not only was he NOT packed but they couldn't find 1/2 his belongings.  (That's no longer a shocking surprise).  The discharge meeting I had requested consisted of the Charge Nurse giving me a mega long list of medications.  Telling me which ones where 2xdaily and which ones were bedtime.  She handed me 5 prescriptions and Mike.  We walked out and that was that.

After we got Mike settled at home and felt sure we could leave him for a while we started trying to get the prescriptions filled.  No pharmacy had the anti-psychotic drugs.  We finally found 4 out of 5 at a Walgreens so I called the hospital and asked "What am I supposed to do until Monday?"  Their stellar reply was "He will just have to do with out them until then". I stupid or is the world turning backwards?  I thought that is why we went through this whole thing because he got his medications messed up!   But after much pleading it finally came down to no meds until this afternoon.   Did I mention the 4 medications cost $1,470.00 and as the pharmacist said "Those weren't the expensive ones".  The one we are waiting for is over $1,000. by itself.  Oh....did I mention he's on social security disability with medicare but is too young for prescription coverage which he will not receive for another 3 1/2 years?  His monthly income is $750.00.   What are we going to do?  $2,500/month for medication alone.   I just have to have faith that all is going to work out.  One day at a time!

Mike has spent the night at my house every night and done really well.  I take him home during the day and today is his first day alone.  I made him a schedule for today and his lunch is ready.  I have to include things like shower, brush teeth, use deoderant, the things we all just know to do.  He has my phone# my daughter's # and knows to call us if he has any problems.  I'm waiting for Walgreen's to call when his "liquid gold medication" comes in.

In the midst of all this I was cleaning out the spare room at his house getting it ready for us to move bedroom furniture in when I came across what looked like a regular scrapbook.  I had told Ron earlier that I wished I could talk to my mother one more time.  I needed her guidance with all that is happening with Mike.  So, I opened the scrapbook and it wasn't filled with pictures but my mother's words.  She had written in this huge book her prayers to God.    She prayed for each one of us every day.  There were also many personal prayers about her own battle with depression and the pain she and my dad were experiencing with aging.  How their marital life had been impacted by my father's diabetes and eventual blindness. 

As I read along I got to the year when her own mother died.  She told God how she had always wondered who would pray for her when her mother was gone.  She knew her mother prayed for her every day.  She said she now realized that her mother continued to pray for her even though she was no longer here. mother is praying for me too!!!!!!  How many times she has spoken to me since her death.  Always, when I need her the most.  I am so fortunate to have had such wonderful parents.  I promised her that I would take care of my brother and I know she is helping me to do just that.  I just have to keep my own faith and believe that God will help me find the way to make Mike's life as good as possible.

Friday, December 17, 2010

I talked to Mike yesterday and told him I felt that the possible benefits of the electroconvulsive therapy outweighed the possible risks in my opinion but that I support any decision he makes.  He sounded so much better and said his depression has greatly improved.  Right now I think he is leaning toward NOT having the treatment but as I said to him it doesn't mean he can't change his mind in the future.

I also told him that I will be living with him from now on and he sounded so relieved.  I'm glad I was able to give him that reassurance.  I know this will not be easy but I'm going into it with an open heart and asking God to give me all the patience I will need.  After what he has been through and myself included this is a no brainer decision.  

I was thinking last night about how we attach ourselves to material things and for me it is my little house.  It isn't fancy but it is my sanctuary.  I have put so much of myself into my home, it is where I raised my babies, mended my heart and where I have now prepared a place to end my days.  But what I realize is that there is no place or material possession that matters more than someone you love.  Though it will be hard to leave and I'm not sure what is in front of me I am going to go forward and at the end of the day I will know I did my best.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Electroshock Therapy

The hospital is recommending electroshock therapy for my brother.  We are trying to educate ourselves on what was once considered a barbaric treatment.  Of course I have found groups that are very positive about the treatment and others who are not.  It is hard to reach an informed conclusion.  We watched a video with Mike today on the actual  procedure and saw interviews with patients who have received the treatment.  It is estimated that there is an 80% success rate with the treatment.  They want to give it to Mike because they don't feel he is stabilizing as well as they would like.  It will be to treat his depression and to try and prevent a reoccurence of his psychosis.  Right now they believe he will have another episode in the near future.  This would definitely prohibit Ron and I from taking care of him at home. 

I haven't formed an opinion yet.  I've read some possible side effects and though none of them sound too horrible individually, combined they don't sound like fun.  Of course the grand mall seizure that is induced doesn't sound like fun but he would be sedated and isn't supposed to have any memory of the event afterward.  There may be memory loss, severe headaches (duh) confusion..... but overall it doesn't sound like he has much to lose by trying.  There would be 12 treatments.  In the end the decision is Mike's to make.  We are just trying to be supportive.

A Christmas Story

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.
"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply.
The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed.
"How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."
So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?"
The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:


 "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire’

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

There is one Christmas Carol that has always baffled me.
What in the world do leaping lords, French hens,
swimming swans, and especially the partridge who won't come
out of the pear tree have to do with Christmas?  This week, I found out.

From 1558 until 1829, Roman Catholics in England were
not permitted to practice their faith openly. Someone
during that era wrote this carol as a catechism song for young Catholics.
It has two levels of meaning: the surface meaning
plus a hidden meaning known only to members of their church.
Each element in the carol has a code word for a religious reality
which the children could remember.
-The partridge in a pear tree was Jesus Christ.
-Two turtle doves were the Old and New Testaments.
-Three French hens stood for faith, hope and love.
-The four calling birds were the four gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John.
-The five golden rings recalled the Torah or Law, the first five books of the Old Testament.
-The six geese a-laying stood for the six days of creation.
-Seven swans a-swimming represented the sevenfold gifts of the Holy Spirit--Prophesy, Serving, Teaching,  Exhortation, Contribution, Leadership, and Mercy.
-The eight maids a-milking were the eight beatitudes.
-Nine ladies dancing were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit--Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,  Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self Control.
         -The ten lords a-leaping were the ten commandments.
-The eleven pipers piping stood for the eleven faithful disciples.
-The twelve drummers drumming symbolized the twelve points of belief in the Apostles' Creed.
So there is your history for today.  This knowledge was shared with me and I found it interesting and enlightening and now I know how that strange song became a Christmas pass it on if you wish.'
Merry Christmas Everyone!

Monday, December 13, 2010


Saturday the psychologist at St. Anthony's called me at home and talked about her evaluation of my brother.  She indicated her testing showed he has brain damage to the left side of his brain, cause unknown.  She believes it is causing dementia and impacting his cognitive abilities.  I have to admit I have some skepticism about her diagnosis.  They came to some of this conclusion because Mike gave his UPS account number to a patient who told him she wanted to have something shipped.  I know my brother and doing that wasn't out of the ordinary for Mike.  He is an extremely generous person who would give anyone the shirt off his back.  I realize that isn't always a good thing and it can get him into trouble at times however that alone is hardly cause for a nursing home.  We received conflicting recommendations from the psychiatrist and the psychologist.  The psychiatrist believes Mike needs to be placed in a facility and the psychologist believes he can live alone with assistance.  

After calling a few places and looking at what is available it appears that getting him on a waiting list may be all we can do right now.  Ron and I talked and we think if we stay with Mike (Ron would move in with him and I'd be there most of the time as well) we could hopefully keep him at home until something opens.  Of course that depends on Ron's health but either way I'd have them both close enough for me to take care of them.  It's the only plan we can come up with immediately and I just hope we can pull it off.  I still have hope that Mike will continue to improve in spite of what we are being told.  I may be unrealistic but I know my brother better than anyone else and I have to see for myself.

Mike actually cracked a funny yesterday when we saw him.  I took him a Christmas T-Shirt that had a huge picture of Santa on the front with the word "BELIEVE" under it.  When I gave it to Mike he said, "Whoa....this might be shock therapy for some of these patients."
Ahhhhhhhhh you gotta love him!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Grinch Who Stole My Christmas!

With all the things that are happening in my life right now I believe the Grinch has successfully stolen my Christmas!  I'm glad I got my house decorated and I'm enjoying sitting by the tree and watching the lights each night but that's about as much Christmas spirit as I have been able to muster.  I haven't purchased one gift or even thought about it.  I wish for only one thing this Christmas and that is for my brother to return to us happy and at peace.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Sunday Night

We went to St. Anthony's to visit Mike this afternoon.  He looked haggard but he was coherent.  He came out of the catatonic state sometime Friday morning.  The psychiatrist called me Friday night but it was really hard to understand him because of his thick accent.  It was frustrating but I was so impressed that he called.  He did say that he was changing Mike's medication and offered an explanation for what may have contributed to this relapse.  The drug Mike takes can causes severe weight gain and Mike has steadily gained weight over the past few years.  He got up to 310 pounds but his medication dosage didn't change to accommodate the extra weight.  Finally it was just ineffective.  So now it has to be increased.  Mike is down to 287 but that's due to being so sick.  The weight gain is a real problem with Resperdol but the drug really works for Mike.  It's a catch twenty-two. 

Mike is still very depressed but I tried to reassure him and told him that it will just take time and to have patience.  I've been trying to rest this weekend and just get my own emotions under control.  I have so much work to catch up on and hope tomorrow I can get some of it done.  I am so appreciative of all the encouragement and support I have received.  It has meant so much!!!!!!!!!


Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home
at $7000 per month.

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60.  Now he's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell he is.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I have to walk early in the morning, before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I joined a health club last year ... spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

I do have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she.'
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
I know I got a lot of exercise the last few years just getting over the hill.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
.... and

Every time I start thinking too much about how I look, I just find a Happy Hour, and by the time I leave, I look just fine.

Friday, December 3, 2010

OK...not whining just updating!

On Wednesday my older brother contacted a private psychiatric hospital in Okla. City.  They indicated they had a bed and if Mike met their criteria they would accept him for treatment.  I explained this to Mike and he seemed to understand that Butch and I couldn't keep staying with him 24/7 and that he still needed further treatment.  He was willing to go and was very agreeable.  He was going to have to go through the emergency department at St. Anthony's to be evaluated so I packed a bag (of what few clothes he has left) and we headed to Okla. City which is about 27 miles north of us.  Mike started getting very anxious and after we hit the interstate he started going psychotic on us trying to open the car and jump out and reaching for the steering wheel.  I had to just throw my body over him and try to restrain him but he's a big guy at 290 pounds and strong as a bull.  

Butch managed to get us off the interstate and we finally got Mike quieter and kept heading for St. Anthony's.  By the time we got there Mike was complete psychotic, screaming and grabbing at me.  Two security guards assisted us in getting him into the ER where after he was placed on the bed Mike went completely catatonic.  That was about 2pm on Wednesday and he has not been responsive since.  He was admitted and taken to a geriatric psych. unit.  The entire process took about 8 hours from beginning to end.  We were exhausted both physically and emotionally.  I hope we hear something soon from the psychiatrist.  We were told he would actually call us.  If he does he will be the first doctor who has ever spoken to a family member about my brother's mental illness in 40 years!!!!!!!  No one ever spoke to our parents in all that time even after 6 hospitalizations.  It's unbelievable!  Of course I won't believe it until it actually happens!

I am trying to remain hopeful and they will be able to help Mike.  We will do everything possible to prevent him from going to a state hospital again.  I'd gladly die if it would just give my brother one day of peace and happiness.  I wouldn't wish what he is going through on my worst enemy.