I've got to learn to lower my expectations.  I hang on to every positive sign and then I'm devistated when things a back slide.  I was so up after Ron's Saturday visit with Mike.  Then yesterday Ron went back to see him again and Mike refused to go to visitation.  Ron asked the aide if it had been a bad day and the aide nodded in the affirmative.  Once I heard that I just crashed again.  I'm just so sick worrying about him.  I can't sleep or eat.   I was driving to work this morning and passed the mental hospital and that's all it took, I just started crying.  I've got to get a grip and a new route to work!

I wanted so much to make the holidays good for Ron and for us to have this time together but now my mind has been pulled toward my brother once again.  My older brother is just sick with worry also and I've been trying to stay positive for him.  He's so scared Mike won't come out of this and will be institutionalized from now on.  I'm not sure I could handle that and I just can't let myself go there.