The Wonderful World of Schizophrenia

I don't even know where to begin....I am exhausted both physically and mentally. 

On Sunday morning I had a very confusing voice message on my phone.  It was around 8:30 am and I was just relaxing and reading and enjoying my extra hour of leisure when I decided to check my messages.  It was from my brother Mike and it made absolutely no sense what-so-ever.  My alarm went off in my head and I immediately called his house but got no answer.  I thought maybe he had gone out to get breakfast, which he does every morning, so I waited about an hour and called again, no answer.  I called Ron and he came to get me and we drove over to Mike's house.  I saw that the front storm door was open and so was the front door so my first thought was that he had been somewhere but had returned.  Then I saw my brother lying on the porch half in the house and half out.  He started screaming the minute I called out to him.  He was naked and psychotic and I have no idea how long he had been there.  He didn't know where he was but he knew who we were.  Ron covered him with a blanket and I called 911.  He was then transported to the hospital where after an examination they determined he wasn't physically hurt.  Since he had been admitted less than 30 days ago they have a rule he couldn't be admitted on the psych. unit again within 30 days.  I had no idea what we were going to do if they released him to us.

We got to the hospital by 10:45 am and by mid-afternoon he was still in the ER under restraint.   We were finally told they were going to admit him and that I needed to go get his clothes.  Ron and I left and by the time we returned Mike had become combative and evidently squeezed a nurse's hand too hard and wouldn't let her go.  At some point he told the doctor he was going to cut his wrists.  The doctor said that was all he needed to hear.

About 4:30 they wanted to get him dressed but Mike became combative again.  They asked everyone to leave the room except me because they decided he responded better to me.  I was able to coax him to get dressed and then they got him in a wheelchair.  I was thinking he was being taken to the psych. unit upstairs but instead in walked a uniformed police officer.  The hospital had said nothing to us and the next thing I knew he was wheeled outside to a patrol car.  That's when Mike freaked out and was frightened, refusing to get in the car.  The officer was being verbally tough toward him and then called for assistance on his radio.  Next thing there is another patrol unit, lights and siren, going 90 mph into the parking lot.  Well, if you were not psychotic that would certainly push anyone over the edge.  Mike started screaming and calling my name because he thought the car was going to hit me.  Then another unit came and 3 officers told us to walk away that they would handle it.  

I had to go behind a wall because I couldn't stand watching all this.  I heard Mike screaming for me and then our mom and dad.  It was horrible.  

Finally they got him hand-cuffed and into the car and just drove away with him.  We had to chase down one of the officers just to find out where they were taking him.  We found out they were taking him to a Behavioral facility on the mental hospital grounds.  It is just a holding facility until the person is no longer a suicide risk.  No treatment mind you.  He will probably only be there 3 days and then released to us.   I have NO IDEA what I'm going to do.  I just want some kind of mental health services for him.  I'm not sure he can live alone and our mental health system is basically non-existent.  Families are supposed to take care of their mentally ill family members but that isn't always possible.  We've been doing it for over 40 years but he's way too strong and when psychotic way too dangerous for me to handle.

I spent all day yesterday just trying to repair the house and get it cleaned up.  I think we are in for a long battle right now.  I don't know what I would have done if it hadn't been for Ron's emotional support.

So, God, The Universe, If you are trying to get my attention.....you have it.....if you are trying to tell my I'm not in control of anything....I get that too.......I'm listening so can you back off just a little?