Friday, March 11, 2011

The past is just that......The Past!

During the process of packing Ron's things and moving out of his house he came across a 34 page e-mail from his ex-wife sent to him during the process of their divorce.  Ron handed it to me and said, "Here, you might like to read this in case you have any questions about my former marriage."

I took the paper and started reading it.  I hadn't read more than 4 pages before I started feeling bad.  I felt bad for his ex and I felt bad for Ron.  I also felt disloyal for even reading it so I stopped.  Ron looked a little confused by what he assumed was my lack of interest but I quickly explained that what happened between he and his ex-wife was personal and between them.  It is also in the past and I know from my own experience that it takes two people to make a marriage and two people to break one up.  I said, "This is in the past and I don't want what happened then to have any bearing on where "we" are today." 

In this journey that we are on I am learning so many lessons every day and the biggest one is that yesterday doesn't matter.  I've watched Ron dismantle his life piece by piece as well as the lives of his parents.  It has been both painful and healing.  It has provided an opportunity to talk and share memories as we look through old letters and photos.  I have learned so much about his mom and dad and the love they shared for one another.  A true love story.  I couldn't imagine the pain they endured when their oldest son died at the age of four.  But it was obvious that the experience only strengthened the bond between them.  At times I have felt like a voyeur prying into the privacy of strangers and at other times I feel as close to his parents as if they were sitting beside us.

Ron has made peace with the idea of his life being cut short.  He has accepted whatever is to come but is still willing to fight for his life.  I learned how precious life is when I was with my mother during the final hours of her life.  She was at such peace but life is so precious we cling to it at the final hour.


kenju said...

I hope he has a long time before that happens. I think you were probably right to quit reading that email (34 pages?????).

Arkansas Patti said...

Think you were very smart to pass on the 34 pages of his former life. Today is the most important day.

marciamayo said...

amen on the email.