Putting my ducks in a row!

There is a certain amount of business to tend to when you are faced with the possibility of death.  I am a person who needs to exercise control over the things I can.

Today we started the process of getting our ducks in a row.  We met with an attorney to see what we need to do to ensure my brother is provided for in the event this all goes South.  It was decided that Ron and I need to each have separate wills.  It was also discussed the possibility of putting the condo in a trust (to the tune of $2,000)  that one I'm going to discuss with my lawyer cousin.  With all the possible anticipated medical bills we are about to incur $2,000 is a lot to spend right now.  If we don't do a trust we will simply do a transfer upon death for the condo the same as I have done for my home.  Anyway it gave us some things to think about.

Yesterday the oncologist called and moved my appointment up to Wednesday the 13th.  She will have the results of the PET scan so maybe we will get some answers.  What I'm anticipating is that she will want a biopsy.  My lung doctor has already anticipated that as well so hopefully there will be no delay in getting it done.  

My daughter Julie drew this picture for me.  I put it right next to my bed.  She is also having T-shirts made with this on it.  I plan to wear one to my treatments.  I need lots of reminders.  So far 60 of our friends have asked to purchase a t-shirt as well.  Julie originally wanted it to say, "I'm tougher than cancer."  I told her I prefer a universal message that could apply to anyone.  She said she may put the lung cancer ribbon on the girl's dress instead which is ok with me.

Something occurred to me today.  I was thinking that the end of life comes when you have no more lessons to learn.  Then I realized that death is the final lesson.  It is the one lesson we will all have to face and learn from eventually.  I also have always wondered that if given the choice of knowing that the predicted time of my death would I want to know? I still don't know the answer to that question.  Would knowing change anything for me?  I'm not sure.  I don't have a bucket list to fulfill.  I don't think I'd do anything different than I'm doing now.  I learned along time ago to tell those I love how I feel and I've done so every day.  I have left nothing unsaid.  I think I would just continue to live just as I am hoping that I would have time to say good-bye.