My niece will be discharged from the hospital today. She will have to beat this by attending AA meetings as rehab would cost $30,000. Insurance will not pay and did not pay for her hospital stay either at the tune of $5,500 up front. WOW.....this is way out of my league. I have no experience with this but my gut is telling me that there is no way she will conquer this on her own. It's been going on too long.
I found myself actually feeling angry toward her. Not an emotion I often have toward anyone. I don't know if that's just a normal reaction to alcoholism and how it impacts those around the alcoholic. I guess I'm angry at the way she hid it for so long until it was so bad that it got to this. I feel a little duped and used. She has always been good at getting people to take care of her and now that makes me feel used and stupid.
I know what I have to do for myself and that is walk away. I have to let her sink or swim on her own. My energy has to go to take care of my brother and my husband.
Ron was very quiet all weekend. He's just such a private person I never have any idea what is going on in his head. It's never what I think. The hospital is supposed to call us this week to tell us what time to be there on Friday. I am sure Ron will do fine. I just don't think he will handle the discomfort and pain very well. He just gets mad as a wet hen and is hard to deal with. So different than he normal personality.
He refused to tell anyone at church about his surgery. He won't reach out to anyone. I don't think he understands that he may not want the support but that I might benefit from it. But I honored his wishes and didn't say anything about it either. I was tempted to put in a prayer request but I knew that would upset Ron so I didn't. It's going to be a long day Friday by myself. My daughters are in the middle of testing their students and can't be at the hospital and Ron's daughter is in N. Carolina. So it will be a long day waiting!
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1 month ago
4 comments:
I don't think Ron is refusing to reach out per se but rather he is a very private person who may feel more comfortable with just dealing with what must be dealt with on his own and perhaps looking to you as his support system. Hard on you? Perhaps. But if you can let go of your anger and hurt feelings that he won't approach his surgery in the same way you want or would do, then you might be more accepting of his attitude and approach. I say this based on both a husband and a father who never ever want anyone to know about their 'personal' lives, including surgeries! Once I accepted that this was the way they could best handle the situation, I was able to cope much better. :)
Remember too, that while it is not a substitute for friends who are physically *there*, and can hold your hand and be the physically comforting presence you need, there are many of us "out here", many sharing caregiving responsibilities who understand.
I turn to the web for information and to share what support I can offer (and receive) from other women in my situation. It's a "virtual" neighbourhood, even though we are thousands of miles apart.
These days we don't have to be alone. :)
I'm not angry with Ron for being so reserved! He is vetting through this in his own way! I'm appreciative to everyone for their comforting encouragement!!! It helps more than I can say!
sister is the master manipulator, we have known this for years, dont be so hard on yourself and you are right this is something that she is going to have to do on her own and it is about time her father stepped up to the plate. take care of you and yours. i love you.
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