The great thing about having so many things going on at once is that I can't dwell on any one of them for long. As I deal with my brother I forget what is happening to Ron. When I'm focused on Ron I forget for a moment about my brother. Unfortunately the person who gets lost completely is me. No time to think about myself and though I try to be an unselfish person as much as I can I miss "me". I miss my own daydreams and wishes, I miss my daughters. I haven't had time to spend with them for almost 2 years. But enough of that self-pity......
I got a chance to talk to my boss this morning. She called and I was able to catch her up to speed on what is going on with me. I'm going to go ahead and take President's day off tomorrow and hopefully get out to visit a nursing home or two.
Mike fluctuates from being agreeable to argumentative. He's scared and I wish I could help him feel better. He thinks it will be like the mental hospital and he will have no freedom. He's afraid he will be abandoned. He said he is fighting feeling resentment toward Ron because I am going to take care of Ron and not him. I wish I could do everything but I can't.
I write about these things because I've always journaled my thoughts. I've done it for over 50 years. I don't know if this is an appropriate format for doing so but it has meant so much to hear from people and to receive the encouragement of others. I feel like I need to somehow be giving something back. I hope that somehow sharing my experience would somehow benefit someone else but for the life of me I can't see how. Sometimes I feel that this is nothing but another form of whining. If this weren't actually happening to me I'm not sure I'd even read my own miserable babble. I do appreciate all the kind words and encouragement I have received from everyone and just want to say thank you!
No News
1 month ago
5 comments:
Dani, you are anything but a whiner and this is absolutely an appropriate format for taking about what you are going through. We all learn from each other.
You are NOT whining, and even if you were, you'd have a perfect right to do it. I don't doubt that you are losing "you" in the midst of all that is going on. But it is for the greater good and perhaps you will be able to focus on your daughters in the years to come. I am sure they understand what you are going through.
Please do not hesitate to spill your thoughts here, Dani, it's what we are here for - to be a soundingboard.
I hope you won't mind a comment from someone you don't know, but I found your blog by accident and just want to say: you write with a lot of grace and clarity. Zero babble, zero whining.
I wish you all the very best in these very difficult times.
(Emma, Los Angeles)
Marcia, sometimes I forget that I'm writing my thoughts for the entire world to see. I just don't want to drag anyone else down. I'm actually a very optimistic, happy person but one that is going through some difficult things. Thanks for allowing me to vent.
Judy, I've thought about the fact that I'll have time later down the road and will definitely need the girls and their company will be so important.
Emma, thank you so much for your kindness. I appreciate it very much. I've learned that there are no strangers just friends I haven't met yet.
We're listening.
It's OK, vent away.
Helen
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