Random Thoughts

I have a list of things to do in the next two weeks.  I have an early morning meeting on Thursday followed by a visit from Sears.  I had replacement windows put on my house about 7 years ago and now I have one I can't lock and the air just blows through.  I had to stuff towels around the window to keep the air out.  Definitely got to get that remedied.  I paid too much for those windows to have air whistling through the bathroom.  Oh and half of the storm door fell off when we had our Christmas Eve blizzard.  I have no idea how that happened but that will get fixed as well or replaced.

Next week I go in to see the diabetes doctor for my A1C3 test.  I have no idea how that will turn out.  I stick to my diet diligently but my blood sugar kind of does its own thing every now and then. However, for the most part it stays ok if I eat the way I'm supposed to eat.   Yesterday I veered off my diet for lunch and had an actual ham & cheese sandwich with bread.   Not a good idea.  My blood sugar spiked and then it plummeted.  I felt like @#$% the rest of the day.  Just a good reminder that I can't get off that diet.  I just can't handle very many carbs at all.

Ron's CT scan is looming just a couple of months away.  I don't dwell on it but it does make me nervous.  If it comes back clean I think I'll relax for another 6 months.  I know the doctor pretty much said we would know if the cancer was going to come back within 2 years.  I guess we will be living our lives in 6 month increments for a long time to come.

I can't believe it has been almost 10 months since my mother passed away.  It still seems like it was last week.  A lot of things have gotten better.  I don't think about it constantly anymore or second guess myself as much as I did at first.  I just miss her but I'm glad her suffering has ended.  The other night I went to bed and suddenly had the sweetest memory just come in my head.  When I was a little girl and I would go with my mother to visit my grandmother I always got to sleep with my mom.  We slept in the room at the front of the house in grandma's feather bed.  The windows were open and we'd listen to the trains as they would go by.  To this day I love the sound of a train and the rhythm of the wheels clackity clacking down the track.  My mother would always pull me toward her and wrap herself around me and we'd snuggle under the covers and  talk and talk until pretty soon my grandma would have to poke her head into the room, probably feeling a little left out.   Sometimes in the safety of the dark I would ask my mother my most profound questions.  It was on one of those nights that I decided to ask about the birds and the bees.  I needed some clarification concerning the information that I had recently received from my best friend but felt less embaressed about asking in the dark.  There was no shock in my mother's voice when I asked though my question concerned the meaning of a vulgar 4 letter word.  She simply and matter-of-factly explained the meaning of the word and how it was not considered something acceptable to say but then went on to answer all my other questions in a reassuring and loving way.   It was wonderful to have that memory again and in the dark I could still feel her arms and hear her sweet voice letting me know that she is still with me.