Holiday Expectations

It's hard to keep our expectations for the holidays in check at times.  We all dream of Norman Rockwell images of families around the holiday table, everyone smiling and all the dreams of the season coming to fruition.  However, if we put too much of our energy into our fantasies we may set ourselves up for a let down.  I have to admit I have always had a little trouble in this area.  I want everyone's Christmas wish to be fulfilled and I put way too much pressure on myself to meet those expectations.  This year has been different, the events of the past year have changed me.  I don't know whether the change is temporary or permanent or maybe just the result of a family in transition.  There are empty chairs at the holiday table and family members are shifting their roles to fill the space.  In spite of the obvious sadness of losing someone as dear as my mother I am not feeling the stress of fulfilling everyone's expectations.  I'm just a little numb this year.  There are so many things I understand now about my parents.  How they were moved to tears by a song or how nostalgic they became when they looked at pictures of loved ones no longer with us.  I thought I understood their feelings but I really didn't until now.  It is so different now being the "oldest" in the family.  I can't really explain it.  I hope it is a position I finally become accustomed to and I'm sure I will in time. 

We are having a friends & family get to gether this evening.  Ron won't be able to attend since he has to work but since nothing feels normal this year anyway I'm just going with the flow.   Sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break and go with the feelings.  This is my year to sit back and just be quiet.  (If you knew me you'd know how totally OUT OF CHARACTER that is!  But I'll regroup this year and come back full force in 2010.