I woke up at 1:56 a.m. this morning and just laid there thinking and thinking and thinking. The clock turned 3:00 a.m. and I was still thinking. I have no idea what time I finally got back to sleep but sometime in the night I shut off the alarm. Somehow I still woke up at my normal (before daylight savings time) get up time 5:30 a.m. Dodged a bullet there. Needless to say I'm a bit fuzzy headed this morning and have no idea what I was thinking about all night with the exception of one thought. I kept thinking how my blog title is misleading since I am not middle aged anymore. Unless I live to be 120 which even if I could I don't think I want to. I think I need a new title but I don't want it to be age defining. Don't know why this was such a topic of concern at 2:00 a.m. but I guess it was.

The weekend was better than the last one. My mother seemed better but very detached. I don't know what to think about it all. She doesn't initiate a conversation but she will answer you when you talk to her. She has no interest in anything. I always put her headphones on her at night with her favorite cd. She would never ask for it but she always seems to enjoy it. She'll close her eyes and sometimes hum along. It helps me to leave her when she looks comfortable and relaxed. I have a few issues I want to talk to the Director of Nursing about and since it has always been difficult for me to be assertive this will be a challenge. Every time I go to the home I find my mother parked in her wheelchair in the doorway just facing a wall. Since the space is so tight she can't turn her self around or even see her tv. I realize she doesn't ask for anything or make any requests but please........at least they could get her into her room. They have never even put her in the recliner my daughters brought even after they told us to get one. My mother left the hospital with a stage 2 bed sore and now has 2 other smaller ones. I can't believe sitting in a wheelchair that doesn't even have a padded seat could be good for her. They would leave her in it from 4:00 pm - 8:00 pm if we weren't there to keep bugging them to put her to bed. It just makes me ill. No wonder she is depressed. This is a rehab. facility and supposedly the nicest one in town so I can't imagine what a nursing home will be like. I just keep asking God to lead me in the right direction and to help me make the best decisions regarding the care of my mother.