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1 month ago
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I have finally reached the conclusion that we will no longer be able to care for my mother at home. It is the hardest decision I've ever had to make but I know in my heart it is in her best interest. She is bedfast now and unable to stand for more than 4 or 5 seconds at a time and that is with 2 people assisting. She barely eats and that is with a lot of coaxing. I'm not sure I could manage her care even if I wasn't working full time. I expect the doctor will be discussing a feeding tube at some point and I'm not sure how I feel about that. It is a very emotional decision because I realize we can keep people alive longer than what they would want. I don't want to prolong her life if she has no quality of life. My brother is having a really hard time right now. His emotional state is up and down just like the rest of us but it is even harder on him. I am expecting my mom to be released from the hospital at any moment (without notice) and I have to make a decision soon. I pray I make the right one for everyone.
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2 comments:
Unfortunately, too many of us have and will have to at some point make these heart wrenching decisions. Before making such a decision for my mother several years ago, I joined a group for Children Caring for Aging Parents (CAPS); talked to people I knew who had similar concerns, etc.. I was told time and time again that whoever becomes the main caregiver is the person who makes the final decision and that decision is the right decision. My mother spent five years in a nursing home. It was an extremely difficult time for her and for those who cared about her. She’s been dead for three years, and I still have moments wondering if I did the right thing. Intellectually, I know that I did, but, emotionally, there are times when the doubts still surface. I wish you well. You are not alone.
"I don't want to prolong her life if she has no quality of life."
I felt the same way about my mom, and I knew she wouldn't want it. Unfortunately, the decision to put her on a feeding tube was not mine to make and it prolonged her "life" for months. She was bed-ridden, curled in a fetal position and couldn't speak. It was horrible.
I don't envy you, and I know what a hard position you are in. Bless you, and I hope you and your brother can agree.
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