Friday, January 8, 2010

You are always on my mind!

It's kind of strange how Ron and I have avoided any discussion of his bout with cancer.  We have had a 4 month reprieve from even thinking about it.  However, he finally mentioned it the other day and it seems he has been silently worrying about every new symptom he is experiencing and immediately attributing it to the possibility that the cancer has spread.  He's been having heartburn quite a bit and thought perhaps the cancer had spread to his stomach.  I was surprised when I learned that he was worrying because he hides it so well.  I told the heartburn could be caused by so many things, like his weight.  Sudden weight loss with no explanation would be cause for concern.  I also told him he needs to talk about any concerns he is having because anxiety and stress can also cause excessive acid in his stomach.  Fear can play havoc on the body.

It's weird but upon hearing a cancer diagnosis the world stops for a second.  Your brain goes numb, you cry and then you get on with the job at hand.  It is never far from you mind in the beginning.  If surgery is recommended you attack it like a warrior, recooperate and then wait.  Since Ron's surgery we seldom talk about it but every now and then I find myself going to that place where for one split second I imagine the unimaginable.  Since I can't really handle that thought I shake it off as quickly as possible.  I know my worrying doesn't change anything or prevent the worst from happening so I push it bak into the shadows of my mind.  This is truly a wait and see ordeal.  We'll just deal with things as they come!  I'm sure that by the time we get to the March CT scan it may be harder to repress our fear.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, 
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand 
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost 
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff..

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
important to you.


Pay attention
 to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time 
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'


Linda said...

Oh my, does your story ring true at our house. The same things can be said after a heart attack. Been there, done that.

Now my husban has a bone marrow disorder that may turn out to be life limiting.

He too never expresses his fears but lately they come out in the early morning hours.

I enjoyed reading your post.

oklhdan said...

Linda, I know there are many people who are dealing with similar circumstances. I can only imagine how scary it is at times. Good luck to you and your husband!

Mildred Garfield said...

I enjoyed every bit of what the professor said especially about leaving room for a cup of coffee with a friend.

Not rushing anywhere, just relaxing and enjoying the company - the coffee is good but the company is the thing!! ;-)

kenju said...

He really needs to talk about his fears and his symptoms, and if he doesn't want to talk to you about it - he needs to find someone else. In a perfect world, you would discuss it together. It can only lead to more closeness, which is just what I think you both would need about now.

Arkansas Patti said...

Once the "C" word has been made part of your vocabulary, every ache and pain becomes life threatening. You can't help but think, "it is back or it has moved." Things that we used to ignore, now become mind consuming.
Talking helps a bunch. When you mind is your only audience, things get out of control. His talking to you is a good thing. If I were you, I'd initiate the conversations if he doesn't. The more we see things in daylight, the less frightening they are. Also a support group is invaluable for they have been there and done that and can help put the mind at ease. Hope he continues to open up.
You are both in my prayers.