Friday, February 27, 2009

Yesterday was a busy day. I had to take off work to go get the list of things requested by the extended care facility. I couldn't believe it took so long to track everything down. I also found a pretty blue flower hair clip I thought would look great in my mother's gorgeous white hair. Unfortunately she wasn't of the same opinion. But I prevailed and put it in her hair just the same and she looked so pretty. The blue matched her eyes and the blouse she was wearing perfectly. I put a little blush on her cheeks and some pink lipstick and she was pretty as a picture! She was still a bit depressed and eating has become a real challenge. The nurse told her she MUST eat in order to get better but I think it just goes in one ear and out the other. I sit with her and try to distract her while sneaking in a bite or two. So far I'm getting away with it but I think she will catch on soon! Just taking everything one day at at time. I keep telling her she's at camp and she tells me she doesn't like going to physical education class. It's really her physical therapy but she still doesn't like it.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

I thought being the parent of twins was hard but it was a walk in the park compared to now being the parent of my 91 year old mother. This reversal of roles has been a slow process but with each passing year the need has increased. It is still hard for me to think of her as incapacitated in any way. She is now, and always will be, my mother. However, it is I that must now make decisions in her best interest. Decisions that she is not always happy about and resists at times just like a child. On Monday she was transferred from the hospital to an extended care facility where with therapy we hope she will eventually be able to return to home. She looks so frail and so sad that my heart breaks every time I have to leave her. The facility is beautiful and I was comforted by the staff and everyone involved in her care but it was hard none the less to leave her with yet another group of strangers. Last night as I pushed her in her wheelchair down the hall to the tv room she looked up and asked, "Are you taking me home now?" It broke my heart to tell her no. Just two weeks ago we didn't expect her to live through the night yet here she is. I realize she still has lessons to teach me and I hope that I learn them all. I am just grateful for the opportunity.

I told my daughter Jamie recently that this experience is also an opportunity for she and her sister to grow as well. They are so attached to their grandmother and they have shared such a beautiful relationship. My mother taught my daughters to swim and she helped them develop their love for art. She has been a constant presence in their lives and they love her very much. This is their dress rehearsal for when the time comes that they must become my parent. My mother is providing all of us with life lessons and perhaps the most important one of our lives. She is teaching us how to say good-bye.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Purina Dog Chow

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart and overheard the man in front of me who was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow. The woman behind him asked if he had a dog. He looked at her as if to say what do you think it is for, an elephant? Instead he told her no, he didn't have a dog, he was starting the Purina Diet again. He added that he probably shouldn't, because he ended up in the hospital last time, but that he'd lost 50 pounds before he awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of his orifices and IVs in both arms.

He told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and he was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with his story.) Horrified, she asked if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned him. He told her no, he stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit them both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Better watch what you ask retired people. It seems they have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.

How the Fight Started

A man and his wife were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while in bed. The man turned to his wife and said,

"Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered.
He then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at him this time, simply saying "Yes."
So He said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started

After retiring, a man went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.

He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So he opened his shirt revealing his curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me'
And she processed his Social Security application.

When he got home, he excitedly told his wife about his experience at the Social Security office! She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too'

And then the fight started.....

Saturday morning a man got up early, quietly dressed, made his lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.

He hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph, so he pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

He went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed and cuddled up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

The weather out there is terrible.' His loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

And that's how the fight started ...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

My mother has been in the hospital since Thursday of last week. We were told she would probably only live 72 hours but at 91 she has amazed us all and is starting to improve. It is still a day-to-day process but I am hopeful. I believe she still has a few things to say in this world. I'm currently staying at the hospital but checking in at work whenever I get a chance.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


This is a painting by my daughter Julie. She is currently in school working on her art certification. Wish I had some of my daughter's artistic talent!

Check out my other daughter's latest clothespin doll creations. Her version of the President and Mrs. Obama

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

He's Just Not That Into You.......Duh

Last Friday I went to see the new movie "He's Just Not That Into You" based on the book by the same title. I tagged along with my daughters and 10 of their female co-workers who were doing an intervention on one of their other co-workers. It seems (name with held) has been dating a guy for 3 years who keeps delaying, postponing, coming up with excuses and not marrying this girl. Amazingly enough she is a very pretty girl who seems to be quite intelligent yet.....she needed to see a movie that basically told her that if the following scenarios apply:

He's not calling you
He's not having sex with you
He's having sex with someone else
He doesn't want to marry you
He's breaking up with you
He disappeared on you
He's married (or any other insane variation of being unavailable)

Then............he's just not that into you!

I don't know about anyone else but these scenarios seem self-explanatory to me. Yet....women continually rationalize and disect every word and action a man spews while continually making excuses for them. After giving the whole thing some thought I looked at this lovely young woman and said, "If you want a chimichanga you don't go to a Chinese restaurant. In other words...if you want to get married you don't hold on to an ole boy who won't commit! Simple as that! Don't waste your time!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I slipped off from work and got a haircut this afternoon. I don't know why I fret and worry so much about hairstyles (of which I do not have one). I am constantly on the search for the "perfect" haircut. I browse the internet and search through magazines looking for that perfect cut that will make me look 10 years younger and 20 pounds lighter. Of course no matter what cut I pick it never seems to be right for MY type of hair. My hair is either too fine, too thin, too straight, too many heads too pointy, cheeks too puffy, there IS NO perfect haircut. Not too mention I was deprived of any of the genes attributed to girly girls. I don't primp, roll hair, style hair, not too crazy about hairspray either. I'm a natural woman. That sounds better than I'm just too plain lazy to primp. So, I need that perfect but easy haircut. Once upon a time I coveted the Dorothy Hamill cut. I believe it was called the wedge. I wanted my hair to move just like her's during a spiralling death spin. But was not to be. I believe it was due to the too thin and too fine thing. Seems you needed the thick luxurious locks of say the back hair on a bald fat man wearing a speedo. The kind of back hair that floats on top of the water while he does the breast stroke. I'm resigned to never find that perfect haircut since I now have more hairs on my chin than I do on my head!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

How To Get A Man (of any age) To Be On Time For A Date

After spending a weekend trying to convey how I feel every time Ron is late to pick me up for a date I decided to take action. I had tried in the past to point out that he is NEVER late to things that matter to him. He is always at least a half hour early to any sporting event. He shows up, Johnny on the Spot, with school colors on and with his official lucky pocket watch. However, if he is coming by to pick me up to go somewhere I can be assured that he will be no less than 30 minutes late and sometimes as much as an hour. This trait has finally started to bug me severely. So......after our discussion I waited and the next time he was to be at my house at a designated time I called him about an hour before the arrival time. Ring, Ring, Ron:"Hello". Me: "I'm just calling to confirm what time you will be here to pick me up." Ron: "6:00 p.m. " Me:...."6:00 p.m? OK.....I will be naked and waiting at 6:00 p.m." .....and then I hung up. At 5:15 p.m. my doorbell rang. I opened the door and said " wipe that disappointed look off your face and get in the car!" HEY......whatever works!

Monday, February 2, 2009

I was listening to a friend the other day describe her ski trip taken with her husband and three young sons. During the eleven hour trip she was able to review all her department's policies and procedures on her laptop computer. I was astounded at the amount of work she managed to get done but had to ask, "Did you drug your kids or what?". She laughed and stated that each had their own portable DVD player with earphones and she didn't hear a word out of them the whole trip. Now, my immediate reaction was "WOW" that sure would have been great for traveling when my kids were young but later it occurred to me that the road trips of my youth are some of my fondest memories. I loved the silly road games and reading the road signs. Our dad having us learn to recite the presidents and the alphabet backwards. I can remember standing up behind my father as he drove during the night. Everyone asleep in the car but me. It was a special time between father and daughter. We would sing songs my favorite being "Old faithful....we've roamed the range together. Old faithful in every kind of weather." We'd talk about the stars and how bright they appeared out on the open road away from city lights. All of this would have been missed if we had our headphones on and attention gazed upon a movie screen. Do families ever talk anymore? Sometimes I wonder if communication is a dying art form not even practiced among family members. How sad.