Feeling more normal

Now I totally understand what a support animal does.  Having Ellie these past few days has taught me something.  When she is in my lap or sleeping with me I feel calmer and more relaxed.  Petting her and all is well with the world.  She may even sense that I need her right now.  Either way it's a win, win.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon with my daughters shopping and having lunch.  It was just what I needed.  We didn't talk about cancer of treatments or anything.  We just enjoyed our time together.  

I finally get to buy little girl dresses.  Dillard'a had a huge sale and I bought Piper 3 outfits and a darling little blouse.  The girls and I took them to her after we finished shopping and she was as thrilled as a 3 year old who hasn't had a nap all day.  Maybe after a good night's sleep she will be more impressed. (ha ha)

Today I think my appetite is returning.  I can actually imagine eating.   The one thing is that I'm ready to get on with this fight.  I can't believe I have to wait 9 more days for the PET scan and then another week before I see the doctor.  I want to pass GO and go straight to the cancer center and see an oncologist.  But I'm sure they would order a PET scan as well and  at least we already have that in the works.

We have icy roads and sidewalks.  I will not be venturing out for anything today!

When the Big C comes to call!

Well, I have finally started to come down from shock and able to stop shaking long enough to type.  This past Tuesday I went in for another bronchoscopy to "wash" my lungs.  Just as last year everything was sent to the pathologist.  He also wanted a culture done as well.  It all went smoothly but not something I'd want to do every day.  Then on Thursday my doctor called to tell me I had a bacterial infection in my right lung that was a surprise to him.  He said it is one that is usually found in people with suppressed immune systems.  Then he said the pathologist had just called him to say cancer cells were found in the upper lobe of my left lung.  Also a shock to him as well as myself.  I had just had a CT scan two weeks ago and not only did it look good there was barely any evidence of bronchitis.  It was referred to as "mild" bronchitis.  But now cancer!

To say that my mind has been racing is putting it lightly.  Being that I'm a person who needs to plan for every possible scenario in life this scenario is one I don't know how to plan for or at least not yet.   Of course my first concern was my brother.  I don't want to tell him but don't know if it will be possible to hide it from him.  Either way it won't go well.  He could easily have a psychotic episode.  One side of me says do it now while I have the ability to make decisions and help him.  The other side of me isn't ready for it.  I'm terrified for him.

My older brother is now completely out of the picture.  About 2 months ago I received a letter from him telling me he is no longer a member of our family.  He accused me of talking bad about his wife.  It was strange and completely out of  nowhere.  He told me to not contact him in any way or he'd take legal action.  The last contact I've had is the Christmas card I sent in December.  I had tried to call him after his heart surgery.  I talked to his wife maybe twice and Ron took a wheelchair to them.  After that I called two or three times and left messages and no one ever returned my call.  That was last April.  I admit I stopped trying.  I also learned he sent the same letter to both of his daughters.

Fortunately he didn't cut contact off with Mike.  I haven't even told Mike anything about the letter.  Mike still calls his brother every day but usually has to leave a message.  Butch calls eventually but its taking longer and longer.  I'm afraid he may be cutting Mike off as well and that will shatter Mike.  Especially now when he learns about my cancer.  He will panic and worry that he will have no one.  He's always turned to our brother especially when he is frightened.  It's all very sad.

The next step in my journey is a PET scan March 12th.  See the doctor March 19th for the results and get his input as to where we go from here.  In the meantime I'm trying to go on as usual but I can say it is requiring a minute by minute decision to do so.  Control is a hard thing to lose.  Especially when you have always been the caregiver to others.  I take care of them not the other way around.  I'm still trying to take care of them first.  I want to take care of Mike, Ron and my daughters.  When I told the girls I just said I'm sorry over and over.  I'm sorry for the pain this is causing them.  I'm sorry that it could take me from them.  I'm just very sorry!

Caregiving and meals

I've been preparing my brother's meals now for about 8 years.  I make 7 dinners and 5 lunches a week.  I've learned a few tricks that really help with this and one of them was purchasing a George Foreman indoor grill.  It is small and it says you can grill 4 servings at a time but the most I've been able to do is 3.  I love this little grill though.  It's perfect for two people or for one.

 This is one of the best purchases I've made.  It has removable grill plates and nothing, absolutely nothing sticks to them.  So easy to clean. I've had mine about two years and it still works like a champ.  It is so easy to grill on and really helps me prepare Mike's meals.  And it only cost about $27.00 at Walmart.

Another thing I discovered is single serve instant potato cups.  I get the Walmart brand because they are a little cheaper but you just add water stir and microwave for 1 minute.  Mike just loves them and I don't have to make a whole pot of mashed potatoes.  

This is the brand I started with and they have 3 flavors.  Garlic & butter, Loaded (with cheese) and buttery homestyle.  These are great for people living alone.

About once a month I will cook all day things like small meatloaves,spaghetti sauce, soups, chili anything I can put in single serve portions and freeze. I've also prepared several menus for each season.  Winter menus and summer menus that I then rotate.  That way I don't keep preparing him the same thing every week.  And I don't have to think about what to cook each week.  This has really made it easier especially when I go to the grocery store.  

I've really gotten it down to where it only takes me about two to three hours to put all the meals together.  I usually only have to cook twice a week for us as well.  

We purchased insulated bags to transport his meals. 

I purchased meal trays from Amazon and each meal is labeled with the day, contents and heating instructions.  I learned over time that Mike isn't able to make even small decisions like what he wants to eat.  So I prepare a calendar for him each week with the weekly menu on it.

MONDAY Lunch –    Ham Sandwich	Supper –       Salmon Patties                       3 minutes
TUESDAY Lunch –   Bacon Cheeseburger	Supper -  Chili                                                                                           3 minutes
WEDNESDAY Lunch –   Bacon Cheeseburger	Supper -        Beef Pot Pies                      3 minutes
THURSDAY Lunch -    Thanksgiving dinner 1pm	Supper -       Sandwich
FRIDAY Lunch –  Freddie's	Supper -     Pulled Pork                     3 minutes
SATURDAY Lunch –   Arbie’s	Supper -       Pork Chop                     3 minutes
SUNDAY Lunch –  Bacon Cheeseburger	Supper         Brisket                     3 minutes

Two days a week Ron takes Mike out to lunch.

Anyway, if you are a caregiver cooking meals for someone maybe this will give you some ideas. 

The Meal Train

This afternoon I prepared my brother's meals for next week.  On his menu was salmon patties, Mike's chili, beef pot pies, THANKSGIVING, pork chops, pulled pork and roast beef.  I prepared 5 lunches as well.  

Later I wrapped all my daughter's Christmas gifts for her.  I have always enjoyed wrapping gifts.  When I was in high school I would work at J.C. Penny's during the Christmas holiday wrapping gifts.  I've enjoyed wrapping them ever since.  I've already done all my shopping and wrapped them as well.  Early bird I guess!

Tomorrow I'm driving Mike to the doctor.  He has a rash from something he is allergic to and I think he will need a steroid pack in order to clear it up.  Thankfully it isn't causing him any discomfort.

We are planning a fairly low key Thanksgiving dinner this year.  There are only 7 of us for dinner this year but we will have about 20 for Christmas.  Can't wait.......should be lots of fun.  My daughter and son-in-law will have their four girls this year.  That is just one of the hard things about divorce.  The division of time and holidays.  Thankfully the girls live in Norman as well so it makes it so much easier to see them.  They are all 13 years old now.  The triplets turned 13 in July and Emma was 13 in April.  A houseful of teenage girls!  Yikes

I hope everyone has a safe and blessed holiday!

It's all in a day!

I have the house to myself for awhile tonight.  Ron has gone to watch a football game with Mike and Ellie and I are home alone.

I don't know why I haven't written anything in so long.  Retirement sure takes up a lot of time.  I go from one doctor's appointment to another and not much in between it seems.  Nothing new to report on that front.  Lung specialist hasn't cracked the code to my well being yet.  If anything I cough more and harder.  The coughing has gotten so bad that I'm too embarrassed to go to church.  The last time I went I started coughing and at least 5 people started passing me cough drops and mints.  I finally had to leave the sanctuary before I disrupted the entire service.  Since then I just volunteer for things.  We are doing the recycling and communion preparation.  Neither requiring me to sit quietly............

Piper had her 3rd birthday.  We spoiled her to death with princess dresses.  She was so cute!  I just don't know where the time has gone.  I've been so lucky to be in her life.  Her daddy told me the other day that by all accounts I am her grandmother.  That touched me so much.  I am blessed!

Ron is doing pretty good.  He has had his seizure med adjusted several times but he still falls asleep every time he sits down.  Yesterday he had Mike with him and they were driving on highway 9 to the Indian clinic. Ron fell asleep at the wheel but fortunately Mike saw him doze off and tapped  him on the shoulder.  Ron slightly over-corrected and hit a hole that bent the hubcap and messed up the struts.  About $800.00 to repair but thank goodness they are both alive.  Ron has agreed that he should limit his driving to town only and preferably with a passenger.  I'll be doing the majority of the driving from now on.
I know it frustrates Ron but it's for his safety as well as anyone on the streets! 

Aging is not for the faint of heart!

Maria

Fearless

                The most fearless woman I've ever known!

Surgery #2

Well, Mike now has two good eyes.  He had his second cataract surgery this morning and it went fine.  Now 4 more weeks of eye drops and maybe things will get back to normal.  I know Ron will be glad since he's the one that has been going over and putting drops in Mike's eyes every day.

Yesterday Ron and I drove to the Ikea in Frisco, TX to pick up some things for my daughters and some of their co-workers. We hired someone to sit with Mike and the trip let us see how that would go. We were gone from 8am until 6pm  and it seemed to go fine.  We didn't get a call all day and that was a first.  Mike enjoyed the company and this gives us some hope that maybe we can try to get away for the weekend or over night.  We've both decided that we absolutely need a break or we are going to burn out.  It's good for Mike as well.

We are sure tired though.  The fast trip yesterday and then up this morning at 4 am.  I'm about to crash!