Really hoping for a better day today. Mike was a mess yesterday. His phone calls began at 6:30 am and continued every 15 minutes throughout the day not ending until 8 pm when he finally went to bed. Half the time he didn't make any sense. We drove over and checked on him twice and though he was scatter brained he was fine otherwise.
You
know we don't ask for the job of being a caregiver but then neither did
our loved ones ask for their disease. It's difficult at times to
balance all the emotions that come with the job. I struggle at times
with it. When I'm feeling especially frustrated and my patience runs
thin I sometimes sound angry and that scares Mike to death. Then I fall apart
and cry because the last thing I want is to frighten him or add to his
anxiety. Sometimes I have a hard time just allowing myself to be human! Ron reminds be of that fact almost daily.
Sometimes I ask myself just how much of my life do I have to give up in order to take care of my brother? No sooner do I ask that question I am consumed with guilt. Right now I am in need of a break and I don't see the possibility of getting one in the near or distant future.
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2 comments:
The last week of my Dad's life, I remember being so burnt-out and so stressed. My mother was constantly calling me about this or that and we had been to one or another doctor several times that week. On Sunday night, I remember thinking that I needed a break and that I was going to try to take some time for myself the following week because I was so tired. The next day, Dad had to go to the emergency room and then he passed away during the night (at home in bed - thankfully). That morning I remembered my thoughts from Sunday and realized that if he could only be with us again, I would gladly put up with all the chaos that had been going on and I felt so guilty for even feeling that way at all. Know that you're not alone in the chaos and I understand how you feel. (((hugs)))
Thank you Darcy!
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