Oh my gosh, I only have to go back to November, 2010 and read my posts following my brother's psychotic episode to realize just how far we have come in 2 1/2 years.  I'm amazed that I survived the death of my mother, Ron's cancer diagnosis and subsequent surgeries followed by Mike's psychotic break.  I've been so close to all of it that sometimes I can't even see the progress we have made.  

In 2 1/2 years I have learned to live with cancer.....that was huge.  I wasn't living before I was just surviving from one CT scan to the next.  That is no longer true.  I can't say that I wouldn't flip out if we received bad news but I no longer anticipate bad news.  Don't know if that makes any sense or not.

My brother has traveled a million miles since his hospitalization in 2010.  He isn't the same person he was before the psychotic episode but in many ways he is better than before.  His every thought isn't dictated by delusional thinking.  He is a sweeter version of himself.  We are still adjusting to the brain damage he suffered but we can work around his loss of short-term memory and other cognitive challenges.

My entire life I have had a need to take care of other people.  I think it began with my mother and her struggle with depression.  I thought that somehow I could make her happy if I tried hard enough.  My father also had a need to be the caretaker, the rock, the one everyone depended upon.  I used to wonder where that need came from but unfortunately never had the opportunity to ask.  

But the truth of the matter is that taking care of others isn't really an unselfish act of giving it fills my own need, whatever that may be.  I truly am the happiest when someone needs me.  I just don't want my need met at the expense of others.  It's rather selfish on my part I suppose.