CT Results

Ron's CT results were not as good as we had hoped.  There was mild enlargement of left apical nodule suspicious for worsening metastatic disease.  Measurements are currently 1.7 x 1.4 com compared to 1.4 x 1.3 cm previously.

Because of the location they are unable to do a biopsy so she feels it may be time to go in and remove it.  Ron has opted to have a PET scan first.  He says if it comes back "glowing" then he will have the surgery.  If it is not he wants to wait another 3 months and have another scan and if it grows again then he'll have the surgery.  She cautioned him that PET scans are not conclusive.  You can get false positives and false negatives.  The only conclusive thing we can do is remove it and see if it is malignant.

We talked awhile last night and it is apparent that Ron is either naive about his condition or in a happy state of denial.  Either way he is comfortable and not worried and so I just have to respect that and worry silently.  His reaction to things is so very different from anything I've ever dealt with before.  There are so many lessons to learn here.

My concern is how will I manage Mike at the same time if Ron has  surgery again.  I want to go to another hospital this time because I just don't have faith in our local hospital.  I hear too much from our doctors here at the children's hospital and so my confidence is low.  My issue is infection control rates......I want to know that before I'll let anyone cut on me.  

I found some condos near my daughter's house.  I thought I could purchase 3 of them and put Mike in one, my niece in one and Ron and I in the other.  Am I crazy or what?  I just don't know how to take care of 3 people without feeling so scattered.  Someone said this morning that I wouldn't know how to just live for myself.  I guess she meant how to relax and just breathe.  Maybe it is a good thing I've never experienced that feeling and therefore what I don't know I can't miss.

On a brighter note.  I was able to spend some time with my daughter yesterday and we went to pick out her new glasses (which were very cute on her) and we had lunch together followed by a short shopping excursion.  I'm happy to say I was able to walk without pain and had a great time.  The pain has decreased considerably in my hip and my back.  Of course I thought maybe God is just getting me ready for the next round of caregiving........ Either way I'm grateful.