Monday, March 11, 2013

Loves me, loves me not!

When I married the first time at the ripe old age of twenty I was sure it would last forever.  He was my first love.  We had saved ourselves for marriage and it brought sweetness to our union.  Our baby daughters were born eighteen months later and though we didn’t have two nickels to rub together we were happy.  Unfortunately what I thought would be forever only turned about to be seven years.  So at the ripe old age of twenty-seven I was a divorcee with two young daughters. Not exactly the life I had originally planned.

None of this is new information since I’ve written about it many times.  During the 40 years that I was alone there were times I wished for a relationship but after living through the infidelity that occurred in my first marriage I had trust issues.  My biggest wish was to have someone in my life that loved me the way my father loved my mother but I never in a million years thought I’d ever marry again. 

WOW, just when we think we have our lives planned out something comes along to remind you that you aren’t in control at all. 

Today, I wake up each morning and I marvel at the fact that this loving human being beside me is my husband.  Every morning he kisses me on the top of my head and tells me I’m pretty……. Me…..with my rooster bed hair and age spots peering back at him over the top of my bifocals.   What a miracle….to have someone change your life completely. 

I’ve experienced young love and I’ve experienced mature love.  One isn’t better than the other it is just different.   Young love requires much affirmation.  At that age we had not learned to communicate.  We weren't even aware that our brains were wired differently.  I would ask "What are you thinking?" and he would reply "Nothing".  I couldn't believe that he could be thinking about nothing because my brain isn't wired that way.  He HAD to be thinking about something and I was sure it wasn't something good and on it goes.  It was youth and inexperience that sealed our fate.

Of the two types of love I can say that at this time in my life we don’t have time for the petty stuff.  We just appreciate holding hands and being together.  The hard stuff is over…..our children are raised and we are nearing the end of our working lives.  We have all the time in the world for one another.  We don’t sweat the small stuff and we’ve experienced just enough heartache to be grateful for what we have.  I believe him when he says he isn't thinking about anything.  (I get it now)  I now know that there are a million ways a man can tell you he loves you without uttering a word.
1.  When he locks the door on his way out of the house.  (he's protecting me)
2.  When he makes sure that he is on the outside as you walk down the street. (he's protecting me)
3.  When he does chores around the house without being asked. (This is huge to any woman)
4.  When he scrapes the window of my car or fills it with gas so I don't have to get out in the cold.
5.  Every time he opens a door for me.

All these things make me feel valued and loved.  If young men just knew that they would have very happy wives and very happy lives!


Linda said...

This is a wonderful post. I'm pleased to hear how well this marriage has settled in.

kenju said...

What Linda said. Many women never find that kind of love (the mature kind); I am glad you did.