Thursday, March 14, 2013

CT TIME AGAIN

OK...today is CT scan day.  Ron dropped me off at work this morning at 7:30 and was headed to the hospital for his scan.  He doesn't tell me when he will get the results until the day before his appointment.  It's our "New Deal".  He doesn't want me stressing out over it ahead of time.  So far that seems to be working.  It isn't that I don't think about it but I'm a lot less obsessed over it.

Now my other weird issue is that I've developed a superstition about going to the doctor's office for the results.  Nine months ago I really got on Ron's nerves when I was in the room to hear the results.  That was when they told us he might lose his one remaining kidney.  Well I had a lot of questions and I guess he wasn't ready to hear any of it.  To make a long story short we decided the next time I wouldn't go with him.  So I didn't.  He got the best news we had received in two years.  Then the next scan came and I again I didn't go because I didn't want to jinx us.  

Now I've really developed a phobia about going..........I'm terrified that if I go I'll break the good karma!  Ron really doesn't want me there because I stress him out so I guess I'm feeling guilty for nothing.  I know his doctor wonders why I wait in the waiting room but I am scared to mess with the good roll we are on.  I guess you never get over being scared.  

Next month will be two years since his last surgery!  Followed by our second anniversary.  

It's weird but cancer plays games with your head.  I'm in complete awe how Ron goes about his life and never lets cancer take over.....the minute they removed his kidney he was cancer free as far as he was concerned.  Since the second time they removed more cancer... he has been cancer free.... no matter what gloom and doom scenario they give us he just doesn't let it dictate his every thought.  Some people might call that denial (I thought that at first) but I think it comes more from his years as a nursing home administrator.  He just sees death as a natural process that will happen to us all and that worrying about when it may come only prevents you from the living the life you have right now.    


5 comments:

Linda said...

I wish Ron well for this latest report. I do not visit the cardiologist with Bob. I ask questions and the doctor doesn't like it. Better if I'm not in the room.

Olga said...

Ron sounds like a man of uncommon wisdom.
I have taken up going to the doctor visits with my Mike. For one thing he cannot hear and is totally happy to "hear" what he thinks he is hearing.
Best to you both.

Patrick said...

Just had my 12 month follow up scan from lung cancer surgery this morning. I pick up the scan DVD including radiologist 's report on Saturday. Sit downs with oncologist and thoracic surgeon next week. Unfortunately as a caregiver / advocate for another scans and results can never be too far from my thinking.

Wishing the Ron the best of possible news.

Patrick

kenju said...

He has a great attitude!! I will hope for great results of the latest scan.

Arkansas Patti said...

Wishing you both the best for great results. His attitude is amazing.