Monday, March 25, 2013

being normal

I've been thinking a lot about the millions of people who have already lived the journey Ron and I are on.  Those who have had cancer and those who have cared for a loved one.  But I can't imagine having a child and having to watch them go through the ravages of this hideous disease.  That is a pain beyond my comprehension.

It's weird how you go about your business as if nothing were wrong and then something just jolts you and you remember that your life is dangling precariously by a thread.  Yesterday I got aggravated with Ron over something of very little consequence but seemed important at that moment.  I suddenly decided I didn't want to continue the argument so I excused myself.  I hadn't taken two steps away from him when I was reminded of the fact that cancer is beating on our backdoor.  I felt a sudden rush of guilt for getting aggravated in the first place and then just as quickly realized that we are just normal human beings who get frustrated with each other in spite of the fact that our time (everyone's time) on this earth is limited.  What is the saying....."We are spiritual beings having a human experience"?

I think I've gotten myself in a better place since learning about the possibility of Ron having surgery.  I'm not sure why it shocked me so bad in the first place.  We've known about the places in his lungs for two years but I guess I got complacent about it and had begun to believe that they were nothing.  Ignorance is bliss (for a time) but can also bite you in the butt.  I've got the teeth marks to prove it.

Since we can only comprehend one thing at a time it's back to wait and see.  Ron has his PET scan tomorrow and we get the results Thursday.  We have considered as many scenarios as we can and have a plan for each one.  We've discussed the here and now and the future what if's.  This has addressed my need to prepare and now I can respect his need to put it aside. 

We'll get through this just like we have before.  One day at a time!


Arkansas Patti said...

When first diagnosed with Cancer, we become obsessed with what ifs. It is so easy to witch hunt and fear the worst. When I learned of my Cancer I was upset as I looked around at all the people that I assumed were going to live normal lifespans unlike me. It wasn't until I realized that they were no more guaranteed a tomorrow than I was that I relaxed a bit and decided to enjoy what I had as long as I had it and not to make Cancer my first thought. All any of us have is Now. It seems Ron has done that also. I do so hope you can gain some of that peace. So far it has worked for 12 years for me. Keeping you both in my prayers.

Olga said...

Your wisdom amazes and inspires. I am sending positive thoughts your way all the time.