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Well, I left my house at 6:45 am and drove an hour to the clinic. Didn't get to see the doctor because she was home with a sick child. I had to reschedule appointment and that will be March 27th. Oh well....even doctors have families. They tried to call but I had already left the house. Now I could call my PMP and schedule an appointment but that would take at least 2 weeks plus a $50.00 co-pay and probably a bunch of out-of-pocket expenses if she runs any tests. Or...wait until March 27th and get it all for nothing thanks to the Indian Nation Health Services. Hmmmmmmmmm I'll wait!
A friend of mine sent me another email about the healthcare system in the UK and how people are not getting care because they have to wait too long. He said he'd rather go broke in America from healthcare costs than die in the UK from no care. I said, "Don't worry, you will get to do both."
As more and more providers require payment "before" treatment will be given there will be fewer people able to afford treatment even if they have health insurance. For example, we have to pay for Ron's CT scans up front and then wait for reimbursement from the insurance company. We are fortunate we have the money to do that. What if we didn't? It's $1,300 every 3 months and sometimes we don't receive reimbursement before the next test is due. If I didn't get my healthcare for free we would really be up a creek without a paddle.
Tomorrow I see the doctor and I have a long list of complaints. I almost don't know where to start. Hopefully I can get to the bottom of why I'm feeling so yuk.
My son-in-law has been attending a conference in San Antonio the past few days and had the pleasure of getting to know Anne Roosevelt, grand daughter of FDR and Eleanor. FDR died 4 years before she was born but she knew her grandmother for 13 years. She and Chris hit it off and he and Jamie have been invited to Maine where Ms. Roosevelt is currently living. She offered also to give them a personal tour of the white house if they would like to go to Washington. WOW that sounds so interesting to me. I always said if I could have lunch with anyone (dead or alive) it would be Eleanor Roosevelt and Helen Keller.
Things are still progressing with Mike. He sounds good and other than being tired he seems to be doing well. I don't know what to do with myself these days. No frantic phone calls 40 times a day. I have way too much time to think about how awful I feel.
A friend sent me an email the other day and a video about getting older. The woman said she realized she was getting old when she tried to brush a hair off her shirt and realized it was attached to her chin. She said the thing about getting old is that we don't get to practice first. Well, I'm with her. This stuff just sort of sneaks up on you. Every step I take reminds me that I'm on my way. So far it is still a journey worth taking.
Mike's psych. appointment went well yesterday. Dr. T. told him he thought he should wait awhile before getting a dog. He told Mike he needs to learn the difference between being lonely and just being alone. He was afraid Mike is sleeping too much to avoid loneliness and that he needs to learn to get comfortable with being alone. So we are going to shoot for Mike's birthday in June. It gives him something to work toward. There were no med. changes yesterday and he doesn't have to go back for a month. That worried Mike but he was assured that if he has a problem he can call and talk to Dr. T.
I've been sick now for a couple of months. Long enough that my husband is getting a little distressed. It seems that my constant wheezing is giving him cause for concern. He told me this morning that I'm wheezing so loud at night it wakes him up and he starts thinking I have pneumonia.
I've always had a few environmental allergies that cause me to wheeze and cough. Usually it is dust (which is why I now have all wood floors) but I'm not sure what's causing the problem now. I get so out of breath just walking down the hospital hall. So I'm ready to see the doctor. I just don't have the time to be sick.
It's ironic that the minute things begin to calm down with Mike that's when I start feeling punk. Guess I just didn't have time before now.
Mike's seeing his psychiatrist this morning. I had a 7am meeting so I wasn't able to go with him. I believe he will actually meet with the doctor alone this time. I think he'll be able to handle it just fine. He's sounding more and more like his old self. I don't want to get too optimistic but I've really seen a change this past week. He's much calmer and the anxiety has really lessened. I finally feel like I can breathe.......well almost!
Yesterday I went to Walmart on my way home from work. It was about 5:15 or so and the first thing I saw when I walked in was a line-up in front of the greeting card section. They were all men. Each looking a bit perplexed as they perused the valentines trying to pick one for a wife or sweetheart. I really got tickled. Most of them had either a single rose in one hand or various stuffed animals. The one thing they all had in common was a very pained look on their face. There were more men there then at the recruiting station the day after the Vietnam (draft) lottery was held.
I ran into a young newlywed male I work with and he was carrying a lone plant and a card. I laughed at him and he explained that he had to wait until the last minute or his wife would find any surprise he might have purchased. I told him that I bought Ron's gift a month ago and he didn't find it. The young man then put me in my place when he answered, "Yeah, but we don't look."
Happy Valentine's Day!
I gave Ron his valentine and gift this morning. He told me he was trying to think of something for me and he panicked and didn't get anything. I got so tickled because this is a result of a Christmas about 5 years ago. He got me perfume that gave me hives, a choker of pink pearls that really did choke me. (Plus they looked like they belonged to Thurston Howell III's wife Lovey.................)need I say more? and a doll case that was made for King Kong and my doll is more a Thumbalina. Nothing that year was right. It ended with me looking at him and asking, "Have you ever looked at me? Do you know me at all?"
Poor Guy....I've made him gun shy.
Mike showed further signs of improvement last night when he told me he thinks he should talk to his doctor about getting a dog. He said maybe he's not quite ready for that level of responsibility. I told him that was good thinking and showed he is getting his impulsiveness under control. Maybe getting a dog is a goal he can work towards.
We had a good weekend. Mike was doing well. He came over Saturday to our house and watched a basketball game. I fixed him pork chops which he seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed. His choking phobia seems to have subsided and he's eating so much better now. He asked me if he could get a dog. My first reaction was no because I thought "Oh my gosh, one more thing for him to get anxious over" but then I softened and talked it over with Ron. It might do Mike a world of good to have the company and something to think about other than himself. He's always had a dog up until a year before our mother died. I guess if it doesn't work out Ron and I can take the dog. Soooooo we're going to start scouting for a rescue Chihuahua. It won't require grooming and Mike had one when he was a kid. Hope I know what I'm getting into here.
We celebrated Ron's birthday Saturday night. He wanted a steak dinner with onion rings so we all went to Outback. Then Ron and I and my daughters went to the movie, "The Woman in Black." It was very little dialogue but a lot of ghosts jumping out and scaring the bejeebers out of you. Not my kind of movie but I loved the company.
We woke up to snow this morning. The streets are OK but a pretty blanket of snow covers the yards. I was reminded just how spoiled I've become in a mere 9 months. My sweet husband was out first thing clearing the snow from my car. I couldn't help but wonder how did I get so helpless? I've been so darn independent for so long but yet I have no problem relinquishing to the chivalry of my husband. It never goes unnoticed nor unappreciated. He makes me feel so taken care of and cared about. It's the million little things like carrying in the groceries or the #1 reason I know I'm spoiled rotten...........he takes my car and fills it up with gas. Before I even know it needs any. No one has ever done that for me. If the time comes that I'm on my own again I hope I won't have forgotten how to be independent. It scares me a little.
