Memorial Weekend

It's already Memorial weekend.  I don't know where this month has gone.  Our public schools let out for summer yesterday so here comes summer vacation.

Ron and I have no plans for the weekend.  Ron is preparing for his trip to Raleigh, NC week after next.  His grandson is graduating from high school.  We decided it would be best if I stayed behind to take care of Mike.  Between cooking all his meals and making sure his medication is picked up and put in his med-planner we were not comfortable leaving him here without at least one of us.

Today we went to Mike's and steam cleaned the carpet.  Thank goodness I have Ron to help me move furniture etc.  I just couldn't do it by myself.  I can't say the carpet looks any better but at least I know we tried.

Trying to keep up two homes can really be a challenge.  I don't know how much longer we will be able to do it but for now we are managing.

Since the illustrious leaders of our state did such a horrible job managing the state budget we are in fear that the cuts to healthcare could result in the closing of most of the nursing homes in the state.  They predict that if their is a 25% cut to the reimbursement rate there could end up being as few as 30 nursing homes left in the entire state.  Any hope of Mike going to one would be completely gone.  I've always kept it in the back of my mind as a last resort.

Today while we were cleaning his house I found a journal he was keeping shortly after his last hospitalization.  I was shocked at how well he was able to write and express himself.  That was 6 years ago and he can no longer write at all and has difficulty expressing himself verbally.   There has been quite a dramatic decline in his cognitive skills.  

Some days he is like a deer in the headlights.  His eyes will be opened real wide but he just stares out in space.  He shuffles when he walks, his back is stooped and he appears to be much older than his nearly 68 years.  We are spending more and more time with him especially on his bad days.  He tends to obsess about crazy things and we have to constantly reassure him.

On good days he is much more alert and his conversations make sense.  The good days are just unpredictable.

Sometimes I don't know where I get the energy or patience to be a caregiver.  The only thing I know for sure is that I'm all he has in the world, that I love him very much and that I want to give him as good a life as I possibly can.  I also know how lucky I am to have a husband who supports me in that effort.