Thanks

Thanks everyone for listening to my rant yesterday and for the words of encouragement and advice.  Ron and I talked last night and we have decided to see a therapist.  We need someone to talk to about all this and just guidance on how to cope.  Ron wasn't thrilled with the idea since he is a very, very private man but he'll do anything if he thinks it will help me.

Mike on the other hand was on his BEST behavior the rest of the day.  He went to the senior citizens center by himself and joined a western line dancing group.  I can ONLY IMAGINE..... but I had been trying to get him to go to the center to give him more things to do.  He's going back on Friday for Tai Chi.  He also limited his phone calls last night and we were actually able to relax and think for a change.  I told him this morning that he did a great job and how much we appreciated it. 

I think I need a therapist to help learn how to set boundaries with Mike.  I'm not good at that.  If someone looks at me with sad eyes or looks scared I fall apart and will jump through fire to make it better.  I have to learn how to say no sometimes.  I'm such a pushover...........you wouldn't believe it.

I know this is behavior that I learned as a kid.  My mother suffered from chronic depression and when I was young I thought I could make her happy.  I wouldn't leave her side for anything.  It was hard for me to even play at a friend's house because I worried whether my mother was sad or not.  I never slept away from home until I was 13 years old.  So I have a long history of trying to fix other people.

My daughter Julie learned she will have shoulder surgery within the next few weeks.  It is a result of the fall at the beginning of school when she fell in the hole in the playground.  She has had nothing but crap from worker's comp. and it has taken 6 months to finally get to see an orthopedist who says she needs surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff.  The other teacher who fell in the same hole had surgery immediately and came back to work 8 weeks later.  What a mess.

Our only option for Mike is a nursing home.  There are no facilities anywhere that we can find that would be suitable for him.  A nursing home will only be an option later down the road I'm afraid.  We are just going to have to keep on keeping on.  He's too cognitive to agree to a nursing home right now and because he's not been declared incompetent he could leave anytime he wanted.  I've avoided the whole incompetent thing because I do not want to be made his legal guardian.  If I take that on I'll never get anyone to admit him anywhere.  I was legal guardian for my mother and it cost us a bundle in legal fees even after her death.  I couldn't get any nursing home to admit her either so it all fell on me.  I'm trying to avoid that with Mike.

With the mental health funding cuts long-term care is all but obsolete in Oklahoma and I live in a town with a state mental hospital.  The hospital is a ghost town now.....all the buildings are empty and I don't know if there are any patients there at all now.  Very sad........

I've talked to the Choctaw Nation concerning long-term care for Mike but we have to be living within the Choctaw Nation and we don't.  We'd have to move about 170 miles S. E. of here to be within the Nation.  I'm not ready to do that.  Even at that I'm not sure what if anything would be available for him.

My niece is in a rehab. facility operated by the Creek Nation.  It's about a 100 miles from here but she will only be there 27 days.  At least it is giving my older brother a break from taking care of her.

But for today calm has settled in Metropolis.  Batman is at his aerobics class and my world is a little calmer.