I think it therefore it is so

A long time ago (when my daughters were just babies) my first husband and I moved into a brand new apartment.  The bathroom had this red glowing fixture in the ceiling.  I thought it was a sunlamp and that we had moved into a really "swanky" place.  Every day I'd sit on the edge of the bathtub buck naked and bask in the glow of the lamp.  Periodically I would look to see if I was getting a healthy glow and sure enough I saw a pinkish hue which I was sure would turn to a golden brown.   I proudly showed off my "tan" to my husband and he fell off his chair in hysterical laughter after I told I'd been sunbathing in the bathroom.  Seems I was tanning by the glow of the bathroom heater!  It just goes to show you the power of positive thinking.....I believed it and therefore it was so! 

This same apartment was located on the 9th hole of the University Golf Course.  Well,  the back of our apartment was a few yards away from the 9th hole.  One day I came out of the master bathroom wearing nothing by my birthday suit and a smile unaware of the fact that my husband had opened the drapes to the picture window.  Just as I got halfway to the bed I looked up to see a golfer smiling at me through the window.  Seems he was looking for his stray golf ball and found a peep show instead.  I immediately dove under the bed.  
Now what?  My husband was gone and the babies were napping in their cribs.  Every time I peaked out from under the dust ruffle the same guy was smiling and waving at me.  Finally I backed out from under the bed pulling the bedspread off the bed.  I wrapped myself in it and walked to the window to close the drapes.  

I'm proud to say I did get a standing ovation!