Everything I know I learned in therapy!

Following my divorce in 1978 I spent about six years in counseling.  I was fortunate enough to find a therapist that I felt very comfortable with and trusted completely.  Initially I didn't seek counseling for myself but for my children who were having a difficult time adjusting to the divorce, or so I thought.  What I learned was that my kids were fine, it was me that needed adjusting.  So began my six-year journey of self-discovery.  


The first year I spent the majority of my hourly sessions crying and working through my feelings of rejection.  Everything was centered around mourning the death of my marriage.  What I learned in that year was how to identify what I was really mourning about....it wasn't the marriage as it really was but the hope of what I wanted it to be.   I was grieving the loss of hope.  Once I was able to learn the difference between the two I was ready to move on to focusing on myself and what I wanted in the future.

The following year I had my counselor's support as I tentatively began to open myself to the idea of dating.  I was able to talk about a multitude of feelings this evoked.  It took me to places I wasn't even aware of and how these experiences had impacted the way I acted in relationships.  I hadn't realized that being molested as a little girl actually impacted my ability to be intimate in a relationship.  Why I never connected the dots is still a mystery to me.  But we were able to go back and work through some ugly residue left over from that experience.  There is a time to look to the past but only if by doing so you can change the future.  Otherwise just keep moving forward.


In the end I felt I had been given tools that would help me as I moved forward in my life.  I finished all my work and I'm grateful I was finished before I turned 34 years of age.  I've continued to use the tools and strategies I learned and I believe I gained a much better understanding of myself.  I learned that happiness is not dependent on anyone but yourself.  If you are unhappy then change your circumstances, don't wait for someone else to change.