Dillusions

I'm very anxious to get Mike to the neurologist in two weeks.  I just don't understand what's going on with him.  He's so different now, not like he was before the psychotic break a year ago.  He was a very independent man before this happened.  He drove, he handled his own financial affairs, he had a fantastic memory and was very different than now.  Now he can't put 8 words together to make a sentence.  He can't drive.  His thoughts get all scrambled up in his head and he is very anxious all the time.  They said he didn't have a stroke but they didn't say what is causing all this.  Is it the price he has to pay for sanity?  Because if it is all the psychotropic drugs that are causing him to be almost helpless than what a price?  A price we are all paying.

Mike has a doctor's appointment this morning at the Indian Clinic which is about a 45 minute drive from here.  My older brother is taking him but Mike has developed some kind of fear of our older brother.  He was up all night stressed about having to go with him this morning.  Butch was a police officer for years and he talks the gruff cop talk.......it scares Mike and he doesn't want to be with him.

My problem is that I'm working and I just can't take off every time he has to go to a doctor or to get his meds.  Butch is the only help I have with Mike and losing his help would do me in I think.  However, I can't have Mike flipping out when he has to go with him either.  One more problem to try and work out.  Sometimes I wonder how I became in charge!  I guess I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.