Back to work

I hear the wind howling this morning outside.  It doesn't make me want to jump up and head back to work.  It is so hard to go back after a 10 day vacation.  Although I wouldn't really call this holiday season a vacation.  I've never been so emotionally or physically tired in my life.  Taking care of Mike is like taking care of a child.  Only this child weighs 287 pounds and eats like a horse.  Same schedule, about every 3 hours he is wanting something and I have to tell him he can have fruit or jello.  I'm trying to watch what he eats to control his weight and in the process I've lost 6 pounds in a week.  Go figure!

Last night we talked about my going back to work today and he expressed that he was anxious.  He will stay here at my house until 8:30 when Ron comes to pick him up.  He will only be alone for 1 1/2 hours but he said he was afraid of hearing "the voices".  I'm afraid he has gotten used to  me being with him every minute.  I don't know how today is going to go.  He'll be alone from 9am - 4:30.  He did it for 3 days before the holiday but it's been awhile so we shall see.

Yesterday Ron and I took him to Walmart.  He drove the electric wheelchair and I helped him follow his list.  He even paid for everything by himself.  He said he had great fun....I was exhausted!  I'm so new to all this since he was so functional before this last psychotic break.  It reminds me of someone who has had a stroke.  Everything changed overnight.  I know we are just a flicker away from another psychotic episode and I'm constantly on the alert.  When he starts talking a little crazy my ears go up like a police dog.  I start questioning him like Joe Friday trying to figure out if this is his "normal" crazy or are we getting ready for full blown "off the bend". 

Now, I wouldn't be able to spell my own name right now if it were not for Ron.  He is the most amazing man I've ever known.  What man would even stick around for this?  Yet, he not ownly is here for me he is so kind and caring toward Mike.  Even when Mike constantly asks Ron to get him a drink of water or hand me this or hand me that.  Ron never loses his patience and never speaks unkindly to Mike.  When Mike says inappropriate things (like when we took him to Cracker Barrel last night).  Some friends came to the table and Mike blurts out in his most serious voice, "Ron is my friend since 1st grade, he has cancer and he's going to die."  Talk about a conversation killer.  But, Ron just put his arm around Mike's shoulder and said, "Not today Mike, I'm not dying today."  Afterward they had a serious talk about respecting privacy and that some things do not need to be told to other people.  Yet, he assured Mike that he wasn't mad at him and very much appreciated his concern for him.

I love this man........with all my heart, all my life!