It's amazing just how sneaky grief can be. I go through the day feeling OK with only an occasional reminder of the loss I have just experienced. When I see the mother's day card display at Walmart or pass the spring flowers outside and wonder who will teach me the names of all the flowers in my yard or who will give me starts of ground covers that never seem to grow when planted by me. But in the daylight these moments are swift and fleeting but when it is dark outside, and I put my head on my pillow, the ember inside me ignites and the grief burns like a bon fire. I spend the first few hours remembering every detail of those last days. I begin to question every decision I made wondering if I had done something else would I still have her with me now. I know all of this is normal and I know that it will pass in time but part of me is afraid that when the grief subsides so will my memories of her begin to dim as well. I don't want to forget anything.