Wednesday, June 12, 2013

How Many Balls Can I Juggle?

I've never been very coordinated and I certainly am not athletic but I'm developing quite a talent juggling.  I juggle care giving for two people while working a full time job.  I maintain two homes, my own and my brother's house. I manage the finances for both households.  I cook meals for my husband and myself and cook separate meals for my brother who has food allergies that include milk, cheese, tomatoes, grains (except white flour) and MSG to name a few.  I keep all the balls in the air at all times because if I look away for a second they will all come crashing to the floor.  The only time I take for myself is for prayer because without Him I would simply pull the covers over my head and give up.  

My husband and family are constantly telling me that I CAN'T do all that I do and that I'm going to kill myself but they never give me an alternative.  I know that my brother needs 24 hour nursing care but no one tells me where I will find it.  So far we have been denied by 3 homes because of his psychiatric diagnosis.  Yet, they still keep telling me I can't take care of him.  What do they expect me to do, walk away?  

The only argument that Ron and I have ever had is over Mike.  I realize that Mike is not Ron's brother.  I also know that Mike is the reason Ron never wanted to get married during the ten years we dated.  He knew that some day I would be responsible for my brother.  He says that he accepted that a long time ago but he struggles with it and I can understand why.

I held my mother in my arms as she took her last breath.  The last thing I said to her was, "Don't worry about Mike, I will always take care of him, it is ok to go."  No one else was in that room and no one else made that was me.  I will die trying to keep it!


Olga said...

You have taken on a burden of love. I pray that God will help you.

Anonymous said...

Can't give you any solutions, but in the whirlwind of everything....don't forget to takecare of yourself! Your are doing a darn good job.

Sending you hugs from Hawaii xxx