Thursday, June 13, 2013

Airing the dirty laundry

I know it is inappropriate to vent every emotion one has on the internet.  My brain knows it but sometimes I think I'm going to explode if I don't get it out of my head.  

I've been trying my best to figure out how I'm going to financially take care of Mike.  He is on disability (approximately $800/month).  That is not enough to maintain the 2,000 square foot home left to my two brothers and myself in which Mike currently lives alone.  The taxes, insurance and upkeep are just too much.  So, my plan B, if a nursing home will not take Mike...was to find a small apartment where I could budget his expenses a little better.  I need to use the money from selling the house to do that but I need my older brother to kick in his share of the house the same as I'm willing to do.  Unfortunately he has informed me that "he needs HIS money".  I can use my part and Mike's to take care of Mike.

I just felt so hurt....it's OK for me to have all the responsibility of our brother but without the financial means to do it.  I wish my mother had not left the house to all three of us but to Mike only.  It would have made this so much easier.  

I've been trying to tell myself to let it go.  I just have to realize that I'm alone in this and that I just have to keep doing what I think is right.

9 comments:

Florence said...

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with so much all at the same time. But let me play the Devil's Advocate for a bit. You really have no right to tell your brother what to do with his inheritance any more than he has a right to tell you what to do with yours. Second, won't renting an apartment be less expensive than the taxes, insurance, & maintenance of the house? If so, why would you need your brother's inheritance?
Do what you can do freely and cheerfully. And release the rest.

Meryl Baer said...

We have a situation where two of three siblings agree on how to finance Mom's assisted living but the third sibling wants his 'inheritance' now - even if she cannot afford to give her $ away. It is difficult but do the best you can and don't let emotions get you down.

Olga said...

It is hard to believe that you and your older brother were raised in the same family. I fear that you are pulled in too many directions. I pray that there will be a place for Mike where he can have his needs met and you can have the help you deserve.

Paisely Brook said...

REALLY???? It shouldn't surprise any of us, he is the pro at taking care of himself.....him and his crazy wife. You should have just went off on him, it would serve him right.

oklhdan said...

Florence you are absolutely right! I think I am just scared I won't be able to manage to care for mike. His disability income is only $789 month and I just know how to stretch it far enough. I'm already buying his food and paying some of his utilities. But you are right I have to let it go and make sure I protect my relationship with my brother!

kenju said...

Could you sue the other brother for his part? I can't believe he is being so pissy about it,

oklhdan said...

Oh Judy I just need to let it go! I guess I just felt like my brother was leaving me out on a limb and it hurt!

Deb said...

Hi Dear,
You don't have to be alone, and you shouldn't lay such an extraordinary burden of care/responsibility on yourself. You might consider recasting yourself as the manager of Mike's healthcare team, and seek out services which can help you care for him. There are a whole list of agencies here; please look them over and try contacting a few which seem appropriate. http://www.mentalhealthok.org/oklahoma-county1

Your health is important too, and you will crack under the strain if you don't get some rest soon. You didn't promise to be Mike's ONLY caregiver, just that you would see that he's cared for. But to fulfill that promise you have to be able to care for yourself first. If you go down, this house of cards collapses.

Been there, done that, got the tattoo!
Hugs from Calgary!

Anna said...

The small apt is a great idea but be careful. If he has more than 2000 in cash he will loose his disability. You really need to talk to a social worker. Try the office of aging and disability or a disability attorney. Sis rules are different than SSD. He can own one house and one car but hardly any cash. You can help with utilities but not rent or food or they will subtract from disability. Once he has disability though he qualifies for food stamps and energy assistance.