Friday, July 20, 2012

De Nile, Not just a river in Egypt

I am realizing that you can't fix anyone or their problems.  All you can do is support their effort to fix themselves.  That's it!  They have to do all the work.

My brother has been successful in his attempt to conquer his mental illness because he finally (1) embraced it, owned it and (2) he is doing everything asked of him.  That's it........he's better not because of anything I've done but because he was willing to do the work and I was willing to support his effort.

My niece has a long way to go.  She hasn't fully owned her illness.  She is an alcoholic and she hasn't fully accepted that problem and she is bipolar.  She feels ashamed of both and thereby tries to hide it from herself and others.  That won't work.  You have to bare yourself to the world......ask for help and then do everything that is asked of you.   I'm not sure she is ready to do that.  Denial is destructive.  

I have quickly realized I can't fix her problems or even begin to support her effort until she gets help for the alcoholism.  Drinking while taking drugs for Bipolar disorder is futile.  She's just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.  "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." 

4 comments:

Olga said...

So true. It's hard to stand back and watch, but you really can't fix the things that some one else owns.

Arkansas Patti said...

Watching someone destroy them selves is brutal but as a recovering alcoholic, what you said is the truth. She has to own it and WANT to change.
Can't imagine what the mix of those chemicals is doing to her health.

Patrick said...

Personally I read in awe of how many people around you that you try to help.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

kenju said...

What Patti said.

I applaud your brother!