Monday, January 30, 2012

The last one standing.

I keep learning that I don't know much about my brother's disease.  I find myself trying to have these rational conversations with someone who is irrational.  He is just obsessing like crazy about his medications.  He obsessed over a slow leak in his bike tire which resulted in him considering suicide.  Then he obsessed about the dishwasher installation.  It was a weekend of obsessions............. Ron spent Saturday with him getting the tire fixed, getting the dishwasher installed and getting bossed around by Mike.  He ended his day fed up to the brim.  

Mike is supposed to see his psychiatrist tomorrow and he is totally worked up about that.  He called me this morning and said he didn't sleep last night because he's anxious about the appointment.  It's like there is no way to win this war.  It's either the side affects or the disease.  

Then he told me he is working on his narcissism.  Really?  How's that?  He told me he asked how I was this morning.  Ohhh that's right...he said, "How are you before he started telling me everything that was going wrong in his world.  I guess that counts.

I just heard from Mike's psychiatric nurse.  She thinks he should see the doctor today.  Mike is telling her he wants to kill himself.  I'm at my wits end.  He consumes every minute of every day.  I have no life of my own anymore.  I'm feeling very resentful.  I just wish I knew what to do.

My father once told me "Don't be the last one standing."  I didn't really get it at the time.  NOW I DO!


Mitzi said...

You are a wonderful sister. I wish I could help you in some way.

Anna said...

NAMI meetings are very helpful to the family members of people with severe and chronic mental illness. There are chapters in most towns and probably all counties.

I know how this feels. It is very overwhelming. A person who has not been through it has no idea. I wish you a good break to build up your strength. NAMI also has online support groups.

Arkansas Patti said...

A support group like Anna suggests sounds like it could be very helpful. I can emphathise but I really don't know just what you are going through. I can only imagine.
Wishing you and Ron some peace and some time to recharge your batteries. You need relief.

oklhdan said...

Anna...thanks for the tip. I'm going to check out NAMI.