Thursday, January 19, 2012

Brain Waves

How do I make my brain think like a schizophrenic?  I try but his brain jumps around like an ant on a hot rock.  I'm answering one question and before I can finish a thought he has moved on to something else.  It's like talking to Flash Gordon, he's all over the place.

Yesterday was a day of obsessive thoughts.  He obsessed about his medication and told me he was having suicidal thoughts.  All this was going on while I was trying to work.  I had an unusually busy day yesterday and I was juggling everything while I had a phone attached to my ear.  This is such a "normal" routine for me I become completely unaware of who is around at the time during these conversations.  It must really sound odd to the outsider. 
"Now, why do you want to kill yourself"? 
"Because you think you might have missed a pill?"
"What are you afraid will happen if you missed a pill?" 
"You'll die?"
"So, you'll just kill yourself instead."

All this while I type on my computer and shuffle papers on my desk. People must think I'M nuts! 

Every morning at 8:15 he calls and every morning at 8:15 I hold my breath.  Is it going to be a good day?  Or are we going to ride the schizophrenic roller coaster?  Sometime after the 20 - 30 phone calls for the day I will come to a conclusion. 


Arkansas Patti said...

You are the mistress of multitasking.Your one sided conversations must really raise eyebrows.
So sorry Mike still thinks of killing himself. Can only hope the meds eventually take that thought from him.

paisely said...

I know that everyone always says that you dont know what you can and cant do until you are in the situation.... i am pretty sure that i wouldnt be able to do what you do daily. I am so glad that you have Ron to help you through this, he is so sweet.

oklhdan said...

Oh Paisely....I'm doing what anyone else would do in the situation. I love Mike and he has no one else in the world. I love him, I resent him at times, we're all just human beings having a human experience. Doing the best we know how.