Monday, January 24, 2011

Things are moving fast!

Well, after 35 years of living on my own my life is changing.  Ron has his house on the market and he's moving in with me.  The move will probably be completed this weekend.  I'm anxious, nervous, just about any adjective will work here.  I've been alone for a very long time and this will be an adjustment for both of us.  Compounding that feeling of anxiousness are the health issues looming ahead.  Not to mention the responsibility I have for a mentally ill brother.  There are moments I feel completely overwhelmed. 

In the beginning I thought Ron could stay with Mike but I realized that I was setting Mike up for disaster.  With Ron's health being such an unknown I felt that Mike wouldn't be able to handle Ron's illness emotionally.  If Ron were to get really sick and if Mike were to become psychotic again, there is no way I'd be able to handle both of them.  I told Mike that he has to learn to lean on the support of professionals and less on his family.  Mike didn't react well to any of this.  He threatened that he was going to get a gun because it was unfair of me to ask him to stay alone without protection.  I told him I couldn't stop him but that I would stop coming over because I would not put my safety at risk.  This seemed to get his attention.  I told  him that a paranoid schizophrenic has no need for a gun and that there were other ways we could address his fear.  I ordered an alarm system for his house that will be monitored 24/7.  That seems to have settled Mike down for now.  He told my older brother that he is jealous because I care more for Ron than I do him.  He said, "I won't be the center of her attention."   GAD.......I did too good of a job and now he want's me to be his mama!  It's like dealing with a little boy~

What I do realize is that if I want any kind of life of my own I have to set some boundaries with Mike.  My older brother agrees.  I have a hard time saying no to anyone let alone my sick brother but I have to require more of him if he is going to have a chance for an independent life.

Marriage for Ron and I is dependent upon settling some financial issues first.  If all goes well and he gets enough for his house we should be able to clear some of his medical debt and then see about marriage.  Otherwise, I'm here for him anyway and will support and care for him the best I can.


marciamayo said...

Things are moving quickly but it sounds good. You deserve to have happiness too, Dani.

Anonymous said...

Oh boy, sounds like trying to put your finger in the dike to hold back the water...but it's holding.
Years from now you'll wonder how you made it.
Good luck

Patrick said...

Moving forward and moving boundaries now there is a challenge and a half, but happiness is a powerful motivator.

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick