Saturday, September 19, 2009

Losing it on the home front.

I knew I was in trouble last night when Ron and I went out to eat. We were sitting at our table when suddenly I felt like I was in the room with my mother and she had just died. I saw myself washing her body and fixing her hair. That isn't what happened because the aide and the hospice nurse prepared her body but at that moment I wanted to be the one. I could feel her hands as I washed her and all of a sudden I'm just sobbing. Ron immediately took my hand as he handed me his handkershief and asked if we needed to leave. I don't know how but I managed to get myself together and tried to explain what happened. Right that minute I really thought I was losing my marbles. I felt so stupid because here he is 1 week after a major surgery but I'm the one falling apart. I am really anxious to see the doctor on Tuesday. I have this shakey feeling inside and it never goes away. I'm absolutely sure my blood sugar is all out of whack. I'm usually the strongest person in the family...not always a good title to hold because everyone tends to lean on you. I can't hardly hold myself up right now let alone anyone else.


Arkansas Patti said...

Time to let the rest of the family know you need support. Even Gibraltar needs a solid base to rest on. You might be surprised at how strong they can be. If your blood sugar is out of whack, that needs corrected right away. Please get help.

kenju said...

What Patti said - because she's right!

Anonymous said...

I am the strong one in my family too.
Got an emergency, I'm your gal.
But afterward I'm a complete mess, can't stop crying.
You have had one of the biggest scares with Ron. It's OK to cry, and fall apart. You will re-assemble.
But you really should not wait to get your blood sugar checked!

oklhdan said...

I know that blood sugar can really affect you emotionally too. I'm ready to deal with it because I know that I can't help anyone else if I'm not taking care of myself. I can't thank all of you enough for being such a great sounding board. Patti..your experience with cancer and your first-hand advice has been invaluable.