Saturday, September 19, 2009
Losing it on the home front.
I knew I was in trouble last night when Ron and I went out to eat. We were sitting at our table when suddenly I felt like I was in the room with my mother and she had just died. I saw myself washing her body and fixing her hair. That isn't what happened because the aide and the hospice nurse prepared her body but at that moment I wanted to be the one. I could feel her hands as I washed her and all of a sudden I'm just sobbing. Ron immediately took my hand as he handed me his handkershief and asked if we needed to leave. I don't know how but I managed to get myself together and tried to explain what happened. Right that minute I really thought I was losing my marbles. I felt so stupid because here he is 1 week after a major surgery but I'm the one falling apart. I am really anxious to see the doctor on Tuesday. I have this shakey feeling inside and it never goes away. I'm absolutely sure my blood sugar is all out of whack. I'm usually the strongest person in the family...not always a good title to hold because everyone tends to lean on you. I can't hardly hold myself up right now let alone anyone else.