Sunday, June 21, 2009

Happy Father's Day

I hope father's everywhere had a great Father's Day. I sure miss my father and wish I could have spent another father's day with him. My father died 17 years ago only a week before Father's Day. I remember how hard that Father's Day was. My daughters have never had a relationship with their dad as he left when they were 5 years old and they have only seen him twice since then. The last time they saw him was 20 years ago. I think about that every Father's Day and feel bad that they were not lucky enough to have a relationship like the one I had with my dad. Fortunately the girls were close to their grandfather. The girls don't talk about it but I know it as impacted their lives and especially their relationships with the oppositive sex. Julie tends to guard herself emotionally and resists allowing herslef to be vulnerable. Jamie doesn't stand up for herself and doesn't seem to demand the kind of respect she deserves. I wonder at times if this is because of feelings of rejection they have from their dad. The relationship a girl has with her father has a huge influence on the women they will become.

When the girls were younger they would celebrate Father's Day by giving me what they called Dad gifts. I got tools, #1 Dad t-shirt, stuff like that. It was their way of recognizing me as both mom and dad. Now that they are grown they often talk about the children in their classes who are going through divorce and are torn between their parents. This is when the girls say that they are glad now that they didn't see their dad. They didn't experience the going back and forth between parents. I still think a child is better off having two parents that care about them. But a lot depends on whether the parents can be respectful of one another for their children's sake. Children shouldn't be caught in the middle. It's not fair.


Arkansas Patti said...

That was a tough one for your kids but I love how they incorporated you into Father's day with "Dad" gifts.
Absent father is probably much better than a bad, hands on father or dueling parents.

kenju said...

Patti is probably right, although there are certainly down-sides to either situation. I am hoping that my grandchildren will not be too badly marked by the absence of their dad, but I know they are better off without him!