Friday, December 19, 2008

Just a few of the entries in this year's Christmas door decorating contest. As you can see we have a huge competition brewing and the voting will take place this Sunday. Lots of elves have been busy at work this year.

I am off work for the next 2 weeks and I can't wait. I'll probably be bored after 4 days and ready to come back but we shall see. I need a little time to get my brain programed again. So to all a Very Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy. Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'
'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied. Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the
furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

A Christmas Carrol

God rest ye merry Democrats,
Let nothing you dismay
November 4th has changed the world
So celebrate the day!
He’ll save us from bad Cheney power
That led us all astray,

O tidings of comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy!

In far off Hono-lu-u-lu,
A gifted child was born,
And who would guess his destiny
Upon that blessed morn?

To close Guantan-a-mo for good
And save us further scorn;
O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy!

A team of rivals he will have
To help him guide our fate;
And Bill’s big ego he will risk
For Hillary at State;

With Wall Street held in check again
Recession will abate;

O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O tidings of comfort and joy!

Now Joe the Plumber can help John
When plumbing goes awry,
And Sarah needs no fancy duds—
In Juneau that’s too high;

She’ll skin her moose and let us know
That Russia is nearby;

O tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,

O tidings of comfort and joy!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas, Christmas, Time for Cheer

Our door decorations are finished. This year's theme is Christmas Around the World. Each of the stuffed animals represents a different country and Merry Christmas is written in different languages. The children will enjoy the scene.

I finished all my shopping this weekend and everything is wrapped and under the tree. I spent Saturday with one daughter and Sunday with the other. I will be off 2 weeks over Christmas and I can hardly wait. This Friday is my LAST day! Hooray.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 & heading towards 70!

01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No one expects you to run anywhere.

04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?

05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07. Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You can eat supper at 4 pm.

09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You get in! to heat ed arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

REMEMBER: Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Monday, December 8, 2008


If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a Nissan in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too.
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

It's hard to turn on the tv these days or pick up a newspaper. Nothing to see or hear but bad news and it gets worse each day. They talk about how ill prepared we are as individuals because we have been a generation of entitlement. My parents knew what it was to be broke and hungry. They watched their parents struggle to keep families together during the Depression. We, the Baby Boomers, never knew our nation when it wasn't prosperous. We don't grow and can our food, we don't think much further than the next meal. This is the first time I've ever been able to say that I'm glad I have no grand children. My worry stops with my own two daughters. They are even less prepared for hardship than myself. My parents provided everything I needed not wanted when I was growing up. My childhood was privileged compared to their own and my children's even more so than mine. I hate to say that with each generation an attitude of entitlement has flourished but we have become a nation of greed and excess. Now it is time to pay the PIPER. But though the economic concerns are great they pale in comparison to the threats of terrorism. The Great Depression of my parent's day saw economic relief because of a World War. Will the economic woe's of our time be altered because of a terrorist attack? Will millions of people be wiped off the earth by some biochemical or nuclear attack that changes our country and planet forever? This is currently being predicted to occur by 2013 and that's only 4 years away. How do you prepare for the possibility of something like that? I heard someone say today that they will start gathering bottled water. Well, how much? Where do you store it? Sooner or later you will run out. My dad always said the pendulum continually swings and maybe that is what is happening now. Whatever the outcome I predict it will change a generation of people and not necessarily for the bad. We've been a little too greedy for way too long.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Every Christmas I send out letters from Santa and magic keys to the grandchildren and children of friends and co-workers. I've been doing this for about eight years when my neighbor's grand daughter was coming for Christmas and was convinced Santa wouldn't find her. She was also concerned about the fact that her grandmother didn't have a chimney. I found a rusty key and tied a ribbon to it and then wrote a little poem to go with it and sent it to Madison. She brought that key with her and hung it outside her grandma's door and was happy as a lark. From then on it became my own little Christmas tradition and it has become even more fun since I have no grandchildren of my own. I just love hearing the stories about how the kids react when they receive their letters. This is the letter I enclose with their keys.

Dear Madison;

I’m sending to you this magic key to hang by your door on Christmas Eve. I’ll use it to let myself in the front door, so I can leave candy and presents galore.

It doesn’t matter where you are, be it here or near or somewhere far. This key will lead me all the way to where you’ll be on Christmas Day.

Now this key only works for good girls and boys who mind their parents and take care of their toys. Remember to always say thank you and please and I’ll leave something special under your tree.

On Christmas morning hanging high in the tree is where you will find your magic key. I’ll hang it there after my work is complete, when I’ve filled all the stockings with candies and treats.

So mind your manners, be helpful and kind and you’ll be surprised by all that you find underneath the tree, piled high on the floor, if you leave me this key to open the door.


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Too Much TV News

Between Thanksgiving and the Lighting Ceremony at work I'm just now starting to recover. My house is about 1/2 decorated for Christmas and I'm not even sure if I'll do the other 1/2. I've been struggling with getting into the Christmas spirit this year. I don't know if it is because of the worries about our economy and all the negative talk or what but I'm just not in the holiday mood. I almost have to ration just how much of the news I can listen to right now. I am a very realistic, generally optimistic, person that doesn't worry over things of which I have no control. However, even I can be influenced by constant negative talk. People need to control what they can (frivolous spending) and save when they can. Remember, we are resourceful people who come from some pretty tough ancestors.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Tonight's the night!

Tonight is the 4th annual Golf Cart Christmas Parade and of course the wind is sweeping down the plain here in Oklahoma. Wind chill is around 30 degrees which isn't too bad but the hospital is sitting on a hill so we get the full impact of the wind. It's always a gamble to see if the floats will withstand the gail forces. They are pomping a chicken wire globe of the world out back and bits of paper keeps flying everywhere. I don't know if they will be finished by 6:00 or not. This was a tough year for the parade since we all just got back from Thanksgiving but we shall see how it goes.