Friday, June 20, 2008

Cognitive Dissonance

OK, I'm having a bad case of buyer's remorse. I have spent so much money in the past few months on my home as well as purchasing the new tv and topped it off with the cable subscription that my whole state of well being is now in jeopardy. With my savings dwindling I feel vulnerable and I don't like it. I didn't realize just how frugal I am until I decided to indulge myself. It doesn't feel comfortable at all. It sounds so silly but it really is causing me a lot of stress. The only good thing is I can cancel the subscription (which I'm sure I will). I wonder why it doesn't bother me to spend money on my kids or anyone else for that matter but spending it on myself just makes me feel awful. I know that (as they say) you can't take it with you but I just feel better knowing it is there for an emergency. But that's not the main reason....I think I feel selfish spending money on myself and that's just an awful feeling. I really am from another generation. I'm a throw back of the women of the 50's. That era really did influence the way I think. I'm just living the example that was demonstrated by my mother. I was shown that a mother was to be unselfish and self-sacrificing and though I honestly don't think that is required or even healthy I can't break away from my own imprinting. I thought I was more evolved than I really am.

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