Good-bye for now

I'm at a crossroads in my life.  I have exhausted all my thoughts and now just feel like a broken record.  I have no time for anything except my job, taking care of my brother and my husband.  This leaves me very little else to talk about.  So I'm ending this blog....for how long I can't say.  If I ever have anything of interest to write about again I will. 

Back to our normal...

Life is getting back to normal or at least normal for us...... Mike is over his fall and has given up the walker.  He even went back to his silver sneakers class. 

Ron is getting better every day.  Less soreness in his ribs and his fatigue is lessening as well.  He is still debating whether to return to work or not.  I can see benefits either way so I'm not much help in giving advice on that subject.

This weekend we had to purchase a new dishwasher since ours went caput.  I don't mind washing dishes by hand and could have done without one altogether but Ron really likes using a dishwasher and since he doesn't mind loading and unloading it I can't lose!  I got a prize when I got him.........

So, life goes on and we count our blessings each and every day!

Good Days Ahead

This has been a productive week.  We managed to combine our annual medical staff dinner meeting and monthly board meeting into one night.  I told Ron I only have two more of those meetings left to attend since I will be retiring in two years.  Our quarterly award ceremony was yesterday and I am caught up at work right now which only happens about two times a year.  That puts me in a great place before I'm off on vacation.  I hate to take off only to be greeted by a pile of work when I come back.

I realized last night that 24 months isn't very long when you measure it in meetings.  I have 24 more Board meetings....8 quarterly meetings.... etc.  I can do this standing on my head.  The next two years are full of dates to remember....Ron applies for Medicare in Oct..receives it in Feb. 2014...I apply in  March and receive it in July of 2014...May 2015 I notify the state of my retirement date in July and apply for Social Security.  Ahhhhhhh it will be here before I know it.  In the meantime I will enjoy my co-workers and my job while looking forward to the next phase of my life.

Oncology Update

We saw the oncologist today and she was on the same mind set that I've been on.  She told us about the drug treatment options but then said that there is no data that indicates these treatments will prolong life expectancy or that they will prevent the cancer from returning.  The side effects in her opinion do not warrant the benefits of the drugs.  Ron and I totally agreed and the protocol will be no treatment, continue with CT scans every 3 months and if something shows up again take it out if possible.  So that said, we return to life as before.  

I believe we are on the threshold of some major breakthroughs in the treatment of cancer.  One just has to live long enough to see it happen.

We are still considering a trip but if Ron decides to return to work we won't be able to go anywhere until next April.  I'm leaving the decision in his hands. 

vacation time

Well, I have the chance to take vacation time July 30 - August 11 which is enough time for Ron and I to drive to Raleigh, NC to visit Ron's daughter.  The problem is we can't figure out what to do about Mike.  I learned from Ron's surgery that my older brother isn't reliable enough to leave Mike in his charge.  I'm not sure if either of my daughters would feel comfortable enough to take care of him for that long so I'm still trying to think about options.  

Home health agencies are just too expensive.  It was over $2,000 for one week when we used one for my mom 4 years ago.  

One idea we had was that Ron could drive to Raleigh (we have some things to take to his daughter that won't go on a plane) and then I'd fly there to meet him and ride back with him.  That way Ron could spend a week and I'd just be gone 3-4 days.  Mike might be OK for that long.  My only hang up is I need a direct flight and we aren't sure we can get one.  But we'll see.

The thing about care giving is the caregiver never gets a day off.

Nigihtmare on Elm street

Last night I had a terrible dream.  It is the first time I've dreamed about Ron being sick.  In my dream he was hooked up to tubes and he was obviously dying.  I was also taking care of another dying man that I didn't recognize.  As most dreams go it was confusing and didn't make sense but I felt so sad and so stressed in the dream.  I woke up in the middle of the night and had to find Ron's hand.

Ron is on his way to see the surgeon this morning.  I have to work late tonight so he is going over to check on Mike when he's finished with the doctor.   Ron took Mike to the store on Sunday but he's already wanting to go again and basically buy the exact same things again.  He really tests Ron's patience!  We are trying to manage Mike's money but it isn't that easy.............he is so obsessive.  He will have 1/2 a box of something and then buy another box, open it, and let the first box go stale.  It's what he does with everything.  I haven't figured out how to control this behavior and I hate being the bad guy that tells him no all the time. What on earth am I going to do if Ron's condition worsens?  It really does scare me.

Just talked to Ron and the surgeon has released him.  Dr. T. told Ron that he (Ron) was rather stoic through this whole ordeal.  Stoic (One who is seemingly indifferent to or unaffected by joy, grief, pleasure, or pain) Yes, that sounds about right.  So, on to the next step.

Re-charging my batteries

I enjoyed a day all to myself yesterday.  Ron was with Mike all day and I went 8 hours without a phone call or anything.  I was able to finish all the projects I started on Saturday, take a long hot bath and just relax.  IT WAS WONDERFUL!  Then Ron and I went to dinner with one of my daughters and we had a good time. Ron and Mike watched baseball games and napped!  It was a win/win for everyone.

Sometimes we don't recognize our need to recharge our batteries until we are crying, blithering idiots and our loved ones look at us like we just grew two heads.  That's what happened to me Saturday.  I dissolved into tears and couldn't speak coherently.  Ron then took it upon himself to declare Sunday a peace & quiet day just for me.  I protested at first because I immediately felt guilty but then I agreed.  Mike and Ron went to church without me and I just slept in and had a peaceful slow day.  By 6 pm I felt like a new person!

This week is going to be a busy week at work.  Tomorrow night I have a dinner meeting followed by a board meeting.  I'll get home about 10:00 if all goes well.  So tonight I'm going to bed early.  

Ron sees the surgeon tomorrow and then he has an appointment with the oncologist on Thursday.  That's the appointment we dread the most.  She's going to talk about treatment options, schedule another CAT scan and then I know the waiting for results will just about put us away.  If anything were to show up I think it would do Ron in.   

Overall he is recovering from surgery very well but he easily fatigues.  This frustrates him.  He is still quite sore but moving around fairly easily.

Yesterday as I drove us to dinner I looked over at him and couldn't imagine not seeing him there.  It's a thought I can't let myself think about too often.