The Oklahoma Shuffle

I'm working hard to get my desk cleared and everything caught up as much as possible.  I am planning to work during Ron's hospital stay as much as I can.  Since he will be in ICU for several days I will go to the hospital during visiting hours but be in the office the rest of the time.  It will be hectic but I don't know what else to do.  It is very hard to be away from my job.  Too much pressure......

A friend of Ron's is planning on being at the hospital Monday evening since I have a night meeting.  I'll go up in the morning and stay till noon and then Frank is going to relieve me so I can go to work.  I won't get home until 9:00 or so.  I'm very appreciative to Frank and this will relieve my mind since I can't be at the hospital.

I'm hoping that by the time Ron is out of ICU he'll be able to call for help when he needs it.  If not then I'll just have to take off work and be with him... To heck with the job!

I'm planning on being off the first few days after Ron gets home.  I need to be sure he can get around on his own and I don't want him showering or anything when I'm not there to help him.  Hopefully soon he will be well enough for me to go back to work.

I have to go to the city this afternoon and after that meeting things will slow down and we can just get ready for Friday!

Mike is doing good!  I think he is realizing that we aren't going to be as available for awhile and he is really trying to step up and be more independent.  Of course his cognitive abilities depend on the day....ever changing....but for now he's functioning very well.  

He has created a new dance he calls the Oklahoma Shuffle...He stands in one spot and just wiggles and bounces while he sings Boomer Sooner.  He wants to dance for everyone he meets and he tries to get them to dance with him.  His nurse told me yesterday that she danced and sang the Oklahoma Shuffle with him and that they both just laughed and had the best time.  She said she just felt good the rest of the day because Mike is such a sweetie.  

I told him what Becky had said and what a great thing that he makes people feel so happy by just being Mike!  He was so excited he said he was going to go out today and make some more people feel happy!!!!!! I'm sure he will!

My niece will be discharged from the hospital today.  She will have to beat this by attending AA meetings as rehab would cost $30,000.  Insurance will not pay and did not pay for her hospital stay either at the tune of $5,500 up front.  WOW.....this is way out of my league.  I have no experience with this but my gut is telling me that there is no way she will conquer this on her own.  It's been going on too long.

I found myself actually feeling angry toward her.  Not an emotion I often have toward anyone.  I don't know if that's just a normal reaction to alcoholism and how it impacts those around the alcoholic.  I guess I'm angry at the way she hid it for so long until it was so bad that it got to this.  I feel a little duped and used.  She has always been good at getting people to take care of her and now that makes me feel used and stupid. 

I know what I have to do for myself and that is walk away.  I have to let her sink or swim on her own.  My energy has to go to take care of my brother and my husband. 

Ron was very quiet all weekend.  He's just such a private person I never have any idea what is going on in his head.  It's never what I think.  The hospital is supposed to call us this week to tell us what time to be there on Friday.  I am sure Ron will do fine.  I just don't think he will handle the discomfort and pain very well.  He just gets mad as a wet hen and is hard to deal with.  So different than he normal personality. 

He refused to tell anyone at church about his surgery.  He won't reach out to anyone.  I don't think he understands that he may not want the support but that I might benefit from it.  But I honored his wishes and didn't say anything about it either.  I was tempted to put in a prayer request but I knew that would upset Ron so I didn't.   It's going to be a long day Friday by myself.  My daughters are in the middle of testing their students and can't be at the hospital and Ron's daughter is in N. Carolina.  So it will be a long day waiting!

My niece was admitted to the hospital yesterday but my brother was required to pay $5,500 upfront before they would admit her even though my niece has private insurance (Blue Cross & Blue Shield).  That seems so wrong on so many levels. 

This is what we are dealing with at the hospital where I work.  Because we are a state agency we have requested the legislature provide us funding for 4 charity beds.  We need the beds for families who have private insurance...... these families are being denied services by insurance companies so their children are not getting the help they need.  Everything seems backwards to me.  You are better off if you have no insurance or at least that's what it would seem.

I'm so glad it is Friday.  I have no idea what we will be doing this weekend but I hope we just take some time to be together.  Ron is being pre-admitted this morning and then it's just the countdown until surgery.  You'd think I would get used to this but I get so many butterflies in my stomach.   I know this will be rough since it will be the first time he will be in ICU and I won't be able to be with him the whole time.  They have strict visiting hours in ICU so I don't know whether to sit around at the hospital, come to work and go back and forth or what.  I feel really stressed about managing work and Ron's surgery but I've done it before so I can do it again.

The Wisdom To Know The Difference

I don't know what drives my need to try to solve other people's problems.  I'm really talking about family members.  They keep me so busy I don't have time to try to help anybody else.  I can't stand seeing a member of my family suffer whether it is from self-imposed injury or just the consequences of bad choices.  I try to "fix" the problem.

The lesson I'm having to learn is that I can't always fix it and that sometimes I need to turn it over to someone else and walk away.  I did that last night.  

My brother's oldest daughter is in real trouble.  I have slowly discovered the extent of her alcoholism (thankfully because she has finally opened up and talked to me about it)  She wants to go to AA which is great but after realizing she has been drinking every day for 7 years and now to the point that it is all day I talked to some doctors yesterday and they told me that it is not only futile for her to try by herself but dangerous.  It could actually kill her.  They said she needs medical detoxification in a hospital.  I called her dad and he stepped up and is taking her to St. Anthony's today and she will go to rehab after she is detoxed.  Combining alcoholism and bi-polar disorder is a horrible combination but it is definitely out of my expertise......this is something that has to be handled by physicians.  

At least knowing that she is where she needs to be will let me focus on my husband and what he needs.  His surgery is just one week from tomorrow. 

I'm not sure what's going on but I can't seem to leave comments on any blogs....I tried to leave one for Olga at Confessions of a Grandma but wasn't able to...then I tried Patrick at Caregivingly Yours and had no luck....nor Kenju at Just Ask Judy. I'm not even sure if anyone is able to leave a comment here or not.  

I use my work computer quite a bit and sometimes we have so many firewalls and security systems in place that it messes me up at times.  And I'm not computer savy enough to figure out if I have a problem or not.  

I heard this morning that the surviving Boston bomber has said they were not involved with any terrorist group.  That they had planned and executed the bombing on their own because of Islamic religious principles.  I hated hearing that because that will fuel the fire concerning Muslims in this country.  People forget that extremism exists in every religion even the Christian religion.  The Westboro Baptist church is just one example but fortunately they haven't killed anyone but their message of hatred is loud and clear.  There have been abortion doctors murdered by extremist Christians.  So we have to be careful not to blame the "religion" but the extremists using religion as their motive.

I saw a book that interested me called Into The Light by Dr. Jon Lerma.  His background is from working with hospice and the book and he writes about his valuable research and guidance in 16 inspirational stories of children and adults confronting their deaths through the comforting visions of divine beings. By presenting the mysterious visions, synchronicities, and angelic conversations terminally ill patients encounter. I know that may sound morbid to some people since my husband is facing surgery for lung cancer but it isn't morbid at all.  I find such stories comforting and reassuring.  I purchased the book for my Kindle and have barely started reading it.  I'm sure from a scientific viewpoint none of these stories can be substantiated but then can faith be substantiated?  We say we have faith but can we prove it?

I think I currently have about 5 books I'm in the process of reading.  I've got a lot of catching up to do.  My kindle will be going to the hospital with me. 

Only one week end remaining before Ron's surgery.  We are both anxious to get it over with and get him home to recover.  Last night he talked to one of his aunts who had the upper lobe of her right lung removed due to the spread of colon cancer.  She told him it wasn't so bad so that seemed to reassure him.  I think we are just ready to find out if it is malignant and if it is renal cell carcinoma.  They told us it could be a different cancer altogether.   So the countdown continues.

We were really busy over the weekend.  We didn't even make it to church yesterday because we had so many things on our list to get done.  We brought Mike over for a little while but his attention span is so short he was ready to go home after an hour.

He stopped buying an extra sandwich for his refrigerator.  I talked to Ralph at Subway and he's also watching out for Mike.  We threw away 12 sandwiches and there were 4 in the freezer.  I can't think like a schizophrenic so I'm always trying to figure out what's going on in his head.  Mike describes himself as Cosmic!!!!!  I have to agree.

I've been on a quest to lower the cost of everything.  I started with the house and lowered the monthly payment by $80.00 by refinancing it on a special plan offered by my credit union.  No closing costs required and it is only a 5 year loan.  

Then I negotiated with ATT Uverse and got them to upgrade our television service for $50.00 less than what we were paying and Mike's for $95.00 less.  (Ron was thrilled with this one because he now has more sports channels and a DVR)

Next I lowered our home/auto insurance by a total of $1,000 by comparing companies.

I'm thinking about bartering with Walmart next!!!!