Great Costumes

Never Under estimate the power of a good book!

A long time ago in a far away land when I was young and married my young police officer husband worked the night shift and almost every night at the end of his shift he would either stay and talk shop with the other officers or ride around with one of the guys on the next shift. Still being a fairly young bride this soon became annoying. One night at shift change I decided to see if I could entice my husband into coming straight home. Earlier in the day I went to the bookstore and purchased a book titled The Happy Hooker. Then I found the absolute raunchiest parts in the book I could find. After practicing reading it aloud in my sexiest southern drawl I called the police station right at shift change and asked to speak to my husband. When he answered the phone I began to read to him from the Happy Hooker. With sirens blazing and lights a flashin he was home in about 90 seconds.

Well, it was about 3 days later and my husband’s night off when we had only been in bed for the night about an hour when the phone rang. My husband answered the phone and then said, “Yeah, she’s here, just a minute.”

Puzzled over who was calling me at that time of the night I took the phone and said, “Hello.”

On the other end of the receiver came my own voice with it’s lilting southern drawl reading the…Happy Hooker followed by loud laughter in the background.

It seems that all calls to the station were recorded at the time and for 3 days the other officers had been enjoying my reading. I think they all went home on time that week as well! The department also experienced a baby boom 9 months later!

Just goes to show the power of a good book!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Good Day

Good doctor report today. I had lost 10 pounds since Sept. 28th and my blood pressure was normal, kidney function normal....still working on the blood sugar but it is improving. I'll do another A1C3 in January and hopefully that will be down as well.
Sooooo I'm on the right track and definitely feeling a lot better. It's amazing how a few simple changes can make you feel so much better.

Our town has decided that the official trick-or-treat night will be Friday night because of the evening football game on Saturday. It will be safer for the kiddos. I never know how much candy to purchase because I never know if I'll have any trick-or-treaters. One year I had none and the next about 40. What ever candy I don't give away I'll just bring to work.

Halloween reminded me of another story about my ex-husband. We were about 26 at the time and Halloween was approaching and someone gave me an old woman mask. It was a full head mask with long white hair. She was a rough looking old gal with a wart on her chin etc. Our kids were in kindergarten at the time and since my husband worked nights he slept during the day. One day close to Halloween I decided I'd play a joke on him. While the girls were at school I put the old woman mask on my head and stripped naked and crawled into bed and snuggled up close behind Jim. It didn't take long before he began to "stir" so to speak and then he rolled over toward me. He slowly opened his eyes and then started screaming like a girl. He flew himself off the bed and landed on all fours between the bed and the wall. He just kept yelling something like, "Oh God, Oh God". I almost panicked because I immediately thought he was going for his gun. Thank goodness he always kept it in the closet on the top shelf. I didn't know whether to run or freeze. I ripped off the mask and shoved it under the covers. I started yelling louder than Jim saying, "What in the world is wrong with you?" Somehow I was able to convince him that he must have had a nightmare.

I drive a white car. Most of the hubcaps are missing because they just keep falling off. Not because I am wreckless or can't drive...ok well maybe I did lose that one because I scraped the curb at the drive-in bank but that was the only one I will take credit for. Anyway, you'd think I'd be able to pick my car out in a line-up with only 1 hubcap remaining but I'll confess, my powers of observation leave something to be desired. Every day at the end of the day I do the same thing. I go to the parking and get in my car and head for home. So the other day was no exception. I got in my car and shut the door. I went to put my purse on the seat and noticed all this trash. I thought to myself, now who has been driving my car and who left all this trash in it? I immediately started picking up the trash and cleaning up the car. Just as I got to the bottom of trash I noticed that my car seat color had changed from silver to lavender. Now that's a puzzlement I thought. Then I realized that I wasn't in MY white car. I decided to go ahead and straighten up the mess and then got out......So if you drive a white car you might want to keep it locked. You never know when I may be coming to a neighborhood near you!

I've never had a problem telling stories on myself or laughing at myself. This was something I learned from my dad. He was such a teaser and if we sulked or something he would ask if we'd rather be ignored. I definitely didn't think I'd like being ignored so I quickly learned to take the teasing and laugh at myself as well.

Shortly after my husband I divorced I was at the beauty shop getting my hair cut and telling stories on myself when my beautician said, "I can't believe your husband left you, you're not boring at all."

At first I didn't know how to respond to her frank observation but then I just cracked up. She was right.......I'm NOT boring at all! I guess HE just didn't have a good sense of humor!

So --- back in the day when I was still young and married my husband was working the night shift as a police officer. We had purchased our first house and decided we would paint before we moved in. One evening I was at the house painting and my husband was on duty so I had fixed a picnic supper so he could stop by and eat with me. It was in the summer time and the house was hot so I had all the windows open and had put on my bathing suit to stay cool while I painted. There were no curtains up since we hadn’t moved in yet and this allowed the air to circulate pretty well. It was quite dark outside when I saw the patrol call pull up in the driveway. No one got out right away so I figured my husband was on the radio talking to the dispatcher. I was about 21 years old and still a bride at the time so I decided to “entice” my young husband into the house. I slipped over by the front window and quickly took off the top to my bathing suit and reached out and dangled it in front of the window. The spotlight of the cruiser came on and shown on the window so I jumped out in front of the window and then darted back out of sight. I did this a couple of times and then waited for what I was sure would be a stampede into the house. But, no one got out of the cruiser. I waited a bit longer and then quickly got my top back on. Finally the doorbell rang and when I opened it expecting to see my husband I was met instead by an officer I had never seen before. He just stood on my porch grinning from ear to ear and said he had stopped by to give me a message from my husband. He said Jim would be late for dinner as he was tied up working an automobile accident. Then the grinning officer added, “But the remainder of the shift will be by in 15 minute increments.”

See! I wasn't boring at all!

The garage sale is in full swing (I am not participating) there are too many females over there already. I had hoped to get Ron inspired to let go of some of his parent's things but nope.... He just can't bare to change anything in the house. It's neat as a pin and just like his mother left it some 25 years ago. Oh well! It's his home and he has the right to do whatever he likes with it.

I made everyone a huge pot of chili last night and took it over there while they were setting up for the sale. There were about 5 of my daughter's fellow teachers and they were all having so much fun. I love to listen to a bunch of giggling girls. It reminds me of when the girls were younger and at home. It seems we had slumber parties every other weekend.

I just finished my 30 minutes on the bike and ready to start my day. I really want to get out and do something fun this weekend so I'd better get the chores done now.

TGIF

Yesterday I completed diabetic class #3. This was the class on diet and nutrition so I learned quite a bit. After reviewing my food diary the dietitian advised me that I'm not eating enough........NOW THAT'S A FIRST!!!!!!!!!!! and that my diet doesn't have enough fat in it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that is really a 1st! She explained all the chemistry behind not getting enough fat in your diet and how it affects blood sugar but she had me at "not enough". I can definitely remedy that situation!

I am now up to an hour on my recumbent bike. Two 30 minute sessions, one after breakfast and one after dinner. My next goal is to just increase overall activity. Get out of the house and walk or go to the Y and swim. Something fun like a Zumba Gold class. Anyone ever take one of these ? They offer them at our local YMCA but only during the day. I haven't been able to find any dvd's to purchase so I may be out of luck on that one. It sounds like fun though.

My daughters and their friends are having a garage sale at Ron's house tomorrow. I was hoping they would motivate Ron to start getting rid of stuff but I'm beginning to think he is a hoarder. He inherited his parent's home and nothing has been touched in it since 1967. When I say nothing.....I mean nothing....The first time I went there I thought I was in a Twilight Zone Episode....or a scene from the Time Machine. His mother died a long time ago unexpectedly at home and Ron's dad wouldn't let anything be moved or touched after her death, from the knick-knacks to the magazines on the coffee table in the formal living room. They built the house in 1967 and nothing has been changed or updated since then. Still has the same stove/refrigerator/etc. and they are in perfect working order. (They took good care of their things) Ron acts like the museum caretaker.....but it is too sensitive a subject to discuss with him. I think his inability to let go has a lot to do with why our relationship never progressed to marriage along with some financial reasons. I had hoped he might get motivated this time but nope.....he's not ready. Now, his dad has been gone for about 15 years and his mother even longer. I'm not holding out hope that Ron will ever be ready to let go.