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I am soooo tired! I helped out in pre-k today. It was the first day of school. I must say it was an easier first day this year than last year. Only had one crier in each class. The tears didn't last long and everyone seemed to have a good day. I'm just TIRED!
I won't be helping out tomorrow as I have a doctor's appointment. But I will be subbing for my daughter for 3 days while she is recovering from surgery. Her surgery is scheduled for Sept. 2nd. I'll be in her class the following Wed. Thurs. and Friday. I hope I have enough stamina to last 3 days.
Saw the orthopedist yesterday and I'm officially discharged now that I'm two years post-op. I only go back when I'm ready to begin injections on my knee. He said I'll know when it is time. I'm still able to walk and I know it isn't time yet.
Today is medication day. Ron and I go over to Mike's to fill his med planners. We fill enough to last two weeks.
Saturdays are when Ron goes over to help Mike clean his electric razor, empty his vacuum cleaner canister, and give him is Arby's and Subway gift cards. We put enough money on the cards so he can go out to lunch twice a week. Both places are within walking distance from his house and he loves going out.
Sunday is church with Mike and the day we take his meals over for the week.
I just finished mowing our front yard while Ron and Bella went to the Indian Clinic to pick up Mike's meds from the pharmacy. I was trying to get the yard done before it gets to horribly hot. I'm trying to remember to keep myself hydrated (something I don't do very well which results in horrible foot cramps) ugh
I know I say this a lot but Ron is just the most loving, caring person to have ever blessed my life. It still amazes me that he signed on to be a part of my crazy life. Not many men would have taken on the job of caregiver to someone with schizophrenia. But he treats my brother with such respect and shows him compassion and understanding every day. He realizes that some day my brother may have to live with us and he just assures me that everything will be OK. He told me yesterday that he knows the only way he can take care of me and be sure I'm OK is to make sure Mike is OK. God, how I love this gentle man. I don't look at him without thinking what a miracle it is that somehow we ended up together. It only took 52 years but here we are. He truly was my first love (six year-old love but love none-the-less). I know we will be together until the end.
Well, it's over.....Ron and I now own one and two thirds homes. The deed has been transferred and this miserable episode in my life is now over. Mike was thrilled when we told him. Ron teased him saying he now owned one bedroom and one bathroom in Mike's house. I claimed the kitchen and half the garage. Mike just laughed and seemed genuinely happy. I promised him that he will live in that house as long as he wants and that nothing will change without all 3 of us being involved in the decision.
Today I see the orthopedist. I'm doing much better now that I am able to continue taking my arthritis medication. I'm going to continue to nurse my knee along because I'm not ready for knee replacement yet.
My daughters reported back to school this morning. Another school year begins! I'll be helping out when ever I can and I'm excited to see some of the kiddos again.
Now if we could just skip through the rest of this election year I'd be one happy camper. I'm just so sick of hearing all the rhetoric and nastiness. Not to mention the shear stupidity!
Well, here is my update on what has been going on concerning my brother and his house. Ron and I finally got the money together to try and buy my older brother out. So we first went to the court house to see how the deed was written. What we found out was that my older brother had already given his 1/3 interest in the house to his wife's son. He did it without even telling me he was doing it. I know he had every legal right to do anything he wanted to do but it was just hurtful.
So we thought about it and tried to get our emotions under control and then we went to see my brother unannounced. I acted as if I knew nothing about the deed transfer and just told him we had the money to buy him out. I told him my only goal was to make our disabled brother feel secure and that his home would not be sold out from under him. They definitely looked caught off guard and there were a lot of looks passing between he and my sister-in-law. Finally she said they have given their part to her son Rick.
We then asked if we could have Rick's number to call him and see if he would sell it to us. Instead she called and then said that they thought it would be worth more in 10 years. They said that in 10 years when Mike has no more money left then we would have to sell it. I responded that I had no intention of selling the house in 10 years and that Ron and I would then start paying the taxes and insurance on the house in order for Mike to remain in HIS home. I then told her that Rick would have to start paying his share of maintenance of the house that we would no longer do it by ourselves. Well, this seemed to change things. She said her son doesn't have any money to help maintain the house. That they wanted him to get the house outright in 10 years. I just said that would never happen! I suggested strongly that he take the money we are offering now because it was either going to cost him to help maintain it or it would just deteriorate over the next few years and be worth less than it is worth now. They looked shocked. They said the agreement was that Mike would maintain the house in exchange for living in it. I said that agreement was between Butch, Mike and myself. That agreement is no longer valid since Butch gave his interest to another party and without Mike's knowledge. Now the rules change. That seemed to work.
Ron is supposed to meet Rick at the court house to sign the deed over and Ron will give him the cashier's check. I won't relax until Ron has the deed in his hand.
Now, what have I learned from this experience? Money can make families turn inside out. That you can think you know someone and then find out you were wrong. That in-laws can cause havoc in families especially where money is concerned.
My goal is to remain focused on my disabled brother. To try my very best to make him feel secure and to put all this trouble behind me.
We took Mike to see his psychiatrist yesterday and learned that Butch had threatened Mike by telling him he was going to send him to the mental hospital. Mike had not told me anything about this and I learned about it when he told the doctor. The doctor assured him that Butch doesn't have the authority to hospitalize Mike. He told him that only he has that authority and he sees no reason for Mike to go back to the hospital.
Over the past few months (because of all this worry about the house) Mike has had a few episodes. Mike took extra medication that could have really hurt him. He tried to cut his wrists (but fortunately didn't cause himself any harm) and also tried to hurt himself by trying to fall down. He said he did it for attention. Well I had him tell Dr. W. about all of this and he said that he could increase his meds but would rather try some "self-soothing" techniques to see if Mike can lower his anxiety and decrease his intrusive thoughts. So we discussed some strategies for Mike to use. The drugs are a last resort if this doesn't work. They have such horrible side effects.
Personally, I think if we are successful in getting the house in our name and I am able to tell Mike that he is secure I think he will settle down and we can avoid an increase in medication. I feel so sorry for him that our older brother has scared him to death and threatened him in such a way. It's just not right.
I think it is safe to say I won't be spending any holidays with my older brother and his wife!
The endoscopy went fine. We had to be there at 6 am and I was done and on the way home by 8:45. He did a biopsy but I won't get the results for a few days. In the meantime I am to continue taking the medication to coat my stomach 4 times a day. He didn't find a bleeding ulcer but a very irritated stomach lining. So for the most part doesn't sound bad. Just need the biopsy results and all will be good.
Still having issues with older brother. He told his daughter that he is giving his third of the house to his wife's son. He was going to give it to his daughter but when she said she would sign it over to Mike or myself he said no he didn't want us to have it. So he is giving it to his step-son.
But my hero, my husband has decided to buy it from my brother. He wants to get the pressure off of me and secure the house for Mike. We are going to approach my brother with a check in hand and say take it or leave it. I took the appraised value divided by 3 and deducted the cost of the appraisal, realtor fees and closing costs (divided 3 ways). I totally believe his greed will make him take the offer. I still think it is awful that he is putting us through this but I'm ready to end it and be done with him and his wife. I need to be able to sleep at night and make sure my brother has a home to live in.
Spent the day today helping my daughters get their classrooms ready for back to school. It's a great mother/daughter bonding time. Gosh I love those girls so much!
We are still in limbo about my brother's house. Just waiting to see what happens next. I did talk to my sister-in-law yesterday and that was a good conversation. I just have to wait and see what my older brother wants to do.
I had a birthday and spent it with the GI doctor. He's going to scope my stomach and esophagus next Tuesday. Since starting on the new medication that coats my stomach I'm feeling much better but he thinks we need to take a look anyway because of the anemia.
I did have dinner with my daughters on my birthday and spending time with them is the best present I could get.
So here's to another birthday and another year!
There has been so much "stuff" going on the past month I have just been surviving. My oldest brother called me out of the blue telling me he wanted needed his third of the house my disabled brother lives in. I was really caught off guard. We (Ron and I ) have worked so hard to keep Mike in his house and living on his own I couldn't imagine what my older brother wanted me to do with him. It seems that was not a priority or concern for him at the time just the money. What I got from the conversation is that he and his wife have gone broke supporting all their adult children. Now they need money and decided to get it from the house my mother left to all 3 of us. I'm not arguing that he is entitled to the money it is just that I don't have it to give to him. They wanted me to sell the house and put Mike in an apartment. He said I could use Mike's share of the house and mine to support him. (hmmm how generous) Problem is the money won't last very long when he starts having to pay rent. He only gets $800 a month from social security. I already pay for all his food but he pays utilities, taxes and insurance and maintenance on the house.
When my mother died we agreed that Mike would continue living in the home for as long as he lived or was able. I've had the sole responsibility of taking care of him. I manage his money, pay his bills, take him to all doctor appointments, manage his medications and fill his med planners. I cook all his meals and clean and maintain his house (inside and out). I've never asked my older brother to do anything. I realize he has his hands full with his own kids and his wife's kids.
Well to make this brief. He has backed off one minute saying he will just sign over his share of the house to Mike. Then nothing happened. Then out of the blue we get a letter from a lawyer. Unfortunately the letter was sent to Mike's house and just scared him to death. He's scared his brother is going to force him out of his home. I've refused to sign anything that would allow the sale but I have learned that if any one of us wanted to force the sale we could.
I finally called my older brother and asked him why he hadn't told me he was going to a lawyer. I told him I felt blindsided and hurt. Which I do. By the time we ended our conversation (me in tears) he once again said he would sign over his share of the house to Mike. I did that a long time ago because I felt it was the right thing to do. I made a decision that my mother was not able to make because I wanted Mike to feel secure. So now I'll just wait and see what happens next.
I think we are getting closer to the day Mike will have to live with Ron and I. He's way too paranoid for an apartment. Too many strangers and his paranoia will shoot off the wall. I was just trying to delay the day he'd live with us for as long as I could.
On the bright side......I'm so blessed to have my daughter's support. They are both trying to step up and help us take care of Mike. They are trying to learn what to do so that eventually we can get away for a few days and they can take care of him in order to give us a break. We really need it.
