What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

I spent yesterday going to doctor appointments and playing chauffeur for my daughter.   I was lucky the lab tech hit my vein with the first stick (something that rarely happens).  I learned that I'm not handling stress as well as I thought I was.  I thought I was pretty good at venting and sharing all my gunk......I do it here.  But, evidently that isn't quite enough as it appears I have developed an ulcer.  I finally gave in and went to the doctor when the pain got to be too much to ignore. So, guess I'll have to work on finding some other ways to cope.  What really got my attention was how my stomach would start hurting every time I talked to Mike on the phone.  I knew I was getting impatient with him and I felt bad about it but it was having the same conversation over and over and over again that was getting to me.  At least 15 - 20 times a day! I have learned how to work at my desk and talk to Mike on the phone at the same time.  I leave work at 4:00 and my phone rings at home at 4:25 on the dot.  It doesn't stop until Ron gets home at 7:00 pm and he takes over the calls. Then Mike goes to bed at 8:00.  That's when I finally let out a long sigh........but the guilt sure has been eating (literally) at me.  That frustration is what I need to learn how to handle.

The Help

I finished reading the book The Help by Kathryn Stockett last night. I was happy to wait on the heating & air guy just so I could have uninterrupted time to finish the book. Although I found the book very enjoyable I must admit that I wasn’t immediately spellbound as I often am by a book. What it did however was take me immediately back to my teenage years during a tumultuous time in our Nation’s history. It made me keenly aware of just how sheltered a life I have led and how extraordinarily naïve I was and probably still am.

I watched the civil rights movement unfold on the screen of our black and white television, not in my school. The only time I was exposed to the inequality between those of color and myself was when I watched the six o’clock news. The moment the channel was changed so also ended my exposure. With the flip of a dial I was once again just a kid living in a very white world.

I only had one personal experience in 1957 when I was eight years old. My mother and I were in Oklahoma City shopping for school clothes and we had gone to the Katz drug store for a coke when several black people came in and initiated a sit-in. I didn’t even know that black people were not served in restaurants at the time. I had no idea what segregation was. My mother explained to me what was happening and I remember looking at the faces of everyone as they peacefully demonstrated. I also remember the faces of the patrons. I don’t remember seeing hatred or angry faces but more the faces of people uncomfortable with what was taking place, almost embarrassed. Today I wonder if the embarrassment was for themselves or those trying to gain equal rights.

I also remember being horrified and confused by the hatred so vile and so venomous that escalated to the 16th Street Baptist Church bombing. Again my only exposure was through the voices of the news commentators describing how four little girls were killed including eleven-year old Denise McNair, when a white man placed a bomb under the steps of their church. I was thirteen at the time and somehow drawn to the little girl who shared my first name. I was horrified when the news commentator said she was decapitated in the blast. I remember thinking how vulnerable they were and wondering if they were aware that they weren’t even safe in church.

As I grew up I developed my own prejudices. I became very judgmental of the South and what it had come to represent in my mind. These prejudices were based not on my own personal experiences but only those I witnessed from a safe distance. I have to admit I’m still wrestling with my perceived judgments. The difference now is that I realize I’m as guilty of stereotyping a group of people as they were. I’m also not very proud of that fact.

As a little side note of interest here is a story behind the story so to say. Ablene Cooper, a 60-year-old woman who has long worked as a maid in Jackson, Mississippi, has filed a lawsuit against Kathryn Stockett. 

In the complaint, Ms. Cooper argues that one of the book’s principal characters, Aibileen Clark, is an un-permitted appropriation of her name and image, which she finds emotionally distressing. 

It is more complicated than that. For the past dozen years, Ms. Cooper has worked for Ms. Stockett’s older brother, Robert, and sister-in-law, Carroll, and still does. 

It’s hard to understand why anyone would have a problem being compared or mistaken for the noble Aibeleen. Alhough the character of Aibileen is portrayed in a sympathetic, even saintly light, she endures the racial insults of the time, something that Ms. Cooper said she found “embarrassing.”

I wonder if she was as embarrassed before the book was such a financial success? Just wondering!

Surgery Update

I'm back after a weekend of caregiving.  My poor daughter is struggling to recooperate but having a great deal of pain.  She is allergic to the surgical glue so she has horrible blisters around the incision site.  She was allergic to the plastic tubing used for her IV and her arm is swollen and spotted with hives.  She's a mess!  She is having those post-surgical blues where she thinks she made a mistake allowing anyone to operate on her.  She thinks her pain is far worse than before surgery.  Unfortunately, her surgeon told her she would have immediate pain relief in her back and the only thing she would have is a sore throat!  Not the case.  They have not been able to reach her doctor to see what is going on but hopefully they'll make contact today.


Now, to top things off our air conditioner decided to quit with 109 temperatures expected today.  We were fortunate enough to find someone who could come out today so we're lucky!  Now, I have to pray it doesn't break the bank to fix it!

Long Day at the Hospital

Well the girls did their twin thing today.  Twin one had surgery and was in a great deal of pain.  Twin two passed out cold from empathy!  Mom......had her hands full!

The surgery went well but they haven't been able to get the pain under control.  It has remained at a 10 since she came out of surgery.  They told her that spinal surgery is different from anything she has had before.  Nerve pain is hard to manage.  I'm hoping that when the swelling goes down maybe the pain will lessen.

Jamie was holding her sister's hand and wiping away the tears and all of a sudden I saw her going out like a light.  She was completely unconscious for what seemed like a very long time.  The nurse got to her and knuckled her in the chest and slapped her face a little and she finally started coming around.  We decided we couldn't leave her with Julie tonight to I stayed with both of them until midnight and then my son-in-law took over for the rest of the night.

Each of the girls have fainted when I had surgery so we are accustomed to the routine.  We are a medical comedy!

Back to the Drawing Board

Well, as much as I wanted to believe I had found the miracle elixir (substitute for milk) I wasn't successful.  I found out this morning when I was called by the security alarm company that Mike's alarm was going off.  I got in the car and drove to his house after being unable to reach him by phone.  I arrived as the police drove up.  Mike was fine but a little disoriented.  He had accidentally set off his alarm and with the commotion he got a little rattled.  Fortunately he was fine and that's all that mattered.

I decided to sit with him for awhile until he calmed down when I noticed he had a really bright red rash on his side.  Sure enough it is a reaction to the Rice milk.  When he has reactions like that they can also affect his thinking.  This explained all the confusion this morning.  

Poor guy!  I wanted to cry......but we both decided it was worth trying.  I doctored his rash and will see what else is out there.  It appears though that being allergic to every grain known to man will present a challenge.  I just hope that his reaction is limited to that one spot.  I've seen him when 1/2 of his body was a red as a tomato and on fire.  It's very painful too.

Due to the drought my house has slipped off it's axis.  I had piers placed around the foundation because my house sits on clay soil.  I try to keep the foundation wet but this heat is too much and my efforts have not paid off.  So, the house has shifted once again and a crack has re-opened on the side of the house.  I have a lifetime warranty on the piers but since they aren't making anymore money off of me the company doesn't jump right on the job.  

So.....I guess Mike isn't the only one who has slipped a few degrees off his axis! :)

Yesterday I was advised that my daughter Julie will have spinal surgery tomorrow.  She has 5 ruptured discs in her back and a narrowing around the spinal cord with a lot of nerves compressed.  This was due to her ski accident two years ago.  She has had two ACL surgeries on her knee and now this. 

My other daughter learned that she has Kienbock's disease.  A rare disease that affects the lunate bone in the wrist.  The bone dies from lack of blood flow.  Her disease is at stage 4 which means the bone is dead and crumbling.  There is no cure but surgery may eliviate some of the pain with some loss of motion.  Fortunately it is her non-dominant hand.  She has to have an MRI to determine which surgery option will be used.  She will probably plan for surgery during one of her school breaks.

We're All Falling Apart!

Just the way you are!

I’m full of self-deprecation today. I am trying to be keenly aware of just how powerful my words can be. They can lift someone up or they can tear down an already fragile confidence.

Sometimes in my frustration I respond to my brother in what might seem to him, a condescending tone. His rituals at times make me react in a way that doesn’t sound very supportive. He has a routine that never varies and he adheres to adamantly. When he called last night at 7:30 on the dot to speak to Ron I had to tell him Ron had not gotten home from work. I told Mike that as soon as Ron arrived I would have him call him. Mike’s response was, “I take my pills at 8:00”.

With a tone of frustration, I responded, “OK, what does that have to do with Ron calling you back? You can still answer the phone can’t you?” Then I proceeded to go into a lecture about how the world won’t spin off its axis if he takes his pills at 8:15 rather than 8:00, etc. etc. etc.

I could almost hear my brother’s spirit wilt under the heat of my sharp tongue. I knew that I had failed to really listen to what my brother was telling me and to put myself in his world.

What Mike was really saying when he said, “I take my pills at 8:00” is…..

*I must take my pills at the same time every day for fear that I will forget them….

*I’m afraid that if I miss a pill I will have a psychotic episode and begin hearing, “The voices”.

*I’m fighting for my sanity!

*I need my routine in order to feel safe!

I was feeling really bad after I hung up the receiver because I realized my expectations are too high. I have to understand that it takes him longer to express himself, that sometimes he does sound goofy, that I have to accept him as he is……..love him as he is…..appreciate him as he is.

Within a few minutes my phone rang again. Mike began by saying, “I have to confess, I told you a white lie.” I said, “Really? Do you want to tell me what it was?”

After a slight pause Mike answered, “I don’t remember.”

Then it was my turn to confess. I told him I was sorry for not really listening to him. I validated his fear and told him he is doing a great job of keeping himself well. But, mostly I just said, “I love you,  just the way you are.”

STAYING COOL UNDER THE HEAT DOME

With temperatures above 109 this week a person has to do what a person has to do!  This is absolutely miserable!  We have had 38 days so far with above 100 temps. and more are expected.  We will most definitely break our record of 50.  It is beginning to impact everyone's mood and I've never looked forward to snow and ice more than now.

Ice cream Truck in Oklahoma