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OK...It has been 1 week and 1 day since Mike was released from the hospital. I filled his pill case today and there are about 5 medications that I will run out of in 4 days. I am going to the Indian clinic tomorrow and beg them to write prescriptions. I am trying to think of a backup plan if this fails. Mike doesn't have a physician here in town so I don't know where I will go. I thought about a minor emergency facility but that will be my last resort. Mike has an appointment with his doctor at the clinic but not until Jan. 13th. I can't wait that long for the prescriptions.
This is so hard. Mike woke up a little while ago and told me he has a psychotic episode when he awakened he thought he was dying. I told him he was probably startled and sometimes we get confused when that happens. I really don't know. He definitely has diliusional thinking. He told me he wants to call the man who was his room mate at the mental hospital. I had to tell him no. I have to be careful about the relationships he forms because he can get too involved in other people's problems. Next thing I'd know he'd be inviting someone to come and live with us!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tonight is the first night I've had this nervous anxiety. I've got to get it under control!
Nope, not the day after the "big one" well, sorta I suppose. It is the day after Christmas. For some people it is a bit of a let down after so much anticipation but for me it is a calm morning full of potential. I get to enjoy the Christmas lights for at least another week, although there are people in town who sometimes leave them up way into Spring!
All the wrapping and trappings have been removed and the Christmas dinner is a thing of the past. Well, not past since a great deal of it now resides on my thighs. But, who cares? We are happy and content. Or at least most of us. Ron has a terrible cold and he has coughed and hacked his way through Christmas and if he isn't better by tomorrow much to HIS surprise he will find himself at the doctor's office.
I've been granddog sitting since last Thursday any my little charges are going home today. They are sweet but I'm ready to be an empty nester again. (ha) Now if they managed to call me Grandma they'd be staying forever.
I'm not sure what the day holds in store for me. Mike will probably spend some time at his house today, since that is a goal we have set and he is doing very well. He did tell me that he got lonely there yesterday but we talked about it and we know that lots of people have those feelings at times. We discussed ways to cope with those feelings and I assured him that if it is ever too much for him then he only has to call and I'll pick him up. I think he spent about 4 hours alone yesterday. He did a load of laundry and folded and put it away. He fixed himself a snack mid-afternoon. He showered and put on his Christmas duds! By 4:30 he was packed and ready to come back to my house. (A successful day)
Mike has an appointment on the 29th (our mother's birthday) to meet with his mental health casemanager. On Monday I'm going to the tribal clinic to talk to his doctor's nurse. I need to get some of the prescriptions written that were ordered from St. Anthony's Hospital. I have to have all this in order to apply for the prescription assistance. I figure if I go in person I'll have a better chance of getting something done.
Sooooooooo happy December 26th! May your day be filled with wonder!
This has been quite the holiday season for myself and my family! There was no time for gift buying or any of the materials things associated with Christmas yet in so many ways it was one of the most meaningful Christmas's I've ever had. When you take away the tinsel and the commercial trappings of Christmas you are left with the truest meaning of the season. Christ was born for each and everyone of us. He is the greatest gift of all.
I've learned that Love is the greatest gift and it doesn't require a bow. My brother is teaching me that lesson every day. He is providing me the opportunity to be the kind of person I want to be, to love someone more than myself and to walk the walk with God's help. With God's help we will continue to take each day as it comes and I'm the one who is being blessed every day.
Merry Christmas Everyone..........I hope the New Year brings you joy, good health and much happiness!
Yesterday I did some searching on the internet for the drug Fanapt that cost us $700.00 Monday night. I found a coupon for one 60 pill prescription (exactly what we had purchased). I printed out the coupon and went back to Walgreens and with my most pitiful face I asked if they would honor the coupon and credit my bank card for the prescription purchased the night before. AND THEY DID! Hooray for Walgreens. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I have to fill out some paperwork for Mike today for a prescription program that I'm sure he will be qualified. So faith perseveres.
Mike had a great day yesterday. His mind is getting clearer and he's less anxious. We are going to take him to my daughter's house tonight for family Christmas. We are only going to have the immediate family in order to not overwhelm Mike. Keeping it simple!
SO.....Merry Christmas to All! I'm taking off after today and going to be on vacation until the 3rd of January! I'm looking forward to some rest!
Does anyone remember the TV show "Life with Riley"...or at least I think that was what it was called. I don't actually remember the show but I remember the title. Anyway.......I guess I'm in a sitcom of my own..."Life with Mike".
Mike had a good day yesterday. He made it all day by himself at his house. He had his list and he followed it to the letter. It was funny because as he completed a task and crossed it off he called me to tell me he had completed it. This went on all day but thank goodness I work in such a compassionate place. After all we deal with children with disabilities.
I picked him up after work but before we left his house we planned his day for today. He said he couldn't do any mental work so we decided dusting the furniture would be a good job for today. Of course I had to put a post-it note on every piece of furniture that needed dusting. It was colorful to say the least. He is also to shower and do one load of laundry. He will fix his own lunch and snack today and then rest this afternoon.
We discussed the voices again this morning and how he thought the receptionist at the doctor's office was speaking to him in code. He also told me the news channel was trying to fool him and lying to him. He wanted to know when they would stop using such exaggerated body language.
I said, "So, the news people are sitting around writing stories and saying, we can fool Mike Simpson with this story".
Mike laughed and said, "That's not logical, they don't know my name."
"Bingo" and we both chuckled a little. However, it made me aware that we are sitting on the edge of his psychosis and I have to really stay aware of what's going on with him.
We had breakfast together this morning and talked about his plans for the day. I told him he was going to his "office" for the day and I to mine. Ron picked him up at 8:00 after I had left for work and was taking Mike to his "office" so we will see how day 2 proceeds.
I want Mike to spend the day in his own house because if there is a chance that he can become independent again he needs to get used to being at home again. I know he can't stay alone at night but so far the day time is working out although one day probably is too soon to judge.
I thought I knew a lot about schizophrenia but I realize there is soooo much more to learn.
Mike was discharged from St. Anthony's on Saturday after a lot of confusion by the staff. Mike had called me on Friday and said he was being discharged Saturday morning but just to be on the safe side I had Butch call to confirm. He was told (at 6pm Friday evening) "Why no, he's being discharged right now."
He's packed and waiting for you to pick him up." Sooooo Butch called me and I said I'd call the charge nurse and see what's going on. I called her and she said "No, he's being discharged Saturday morning." Good grief. Mike had it right all along and it makes you wonder just "who" is crazy!
So, Saturday morning Ron and I drove to St. Anthony's. Not only was he NOT packed but they couldn't find 1/2 his belongings. (That's no longer a shocking surprise). The discharge meeting I had requested consisted of the Charge Nurse giving me a mega long list of medications. Telling me which ones where 2xdaily and which ones were bedtime. She handed me 5 prescriptions and Mike. We walked out and that was that.
After we got Mike settled at home and felt sure we could leave him for a while we started trying to get the prescriptions filled. No pharmacy had the anti-psychotic drugs. We finally found 4 out of 5 at a Walgreens so I called the hospital and asked "What am I supposed to do until Monday?" Their stellar reply was "He will just have to do with out them until then".
OK.....am I stupid or is the world turning backwards? I thought that is why we went through this whole thing because he got his medications messed up! But after much pleading it finally came down to no meds until this afternoon. Did I mention the 4 medications cost $1,470.00 and as the pharmacist said "Those weren't the expensive ones". The one we are waiting for is over $1,000. by itself. Oh....did I mention he's on social security disability with medicare but is too young for prescription coverage which he will not receive for another 3 1/2 years? His monthly income is $750.00. What are we going to do? $2,500/month for medication alone. I just have to have faith that all is going to work out. One day at a time!
Mike has spent the night at my house every night and done really well. I take him home during the day and today is his first day alone. I made him a schedule for today and his lunch is ready. I have to include things like shower, brush teeth, use deoderant, the things we all just know to do. He has my phone# my daughter's # and knows to call us if he has any problems. I'm waiting for Walgreen's to call when his "liquid gold medication" comes in.
In the midst of all this I was cleaning out the spare room at his house getting it ready for us to move bedroom furniture in when I came across what looked like a regular scrapbook. I had told Ron earlier that I wished I could talk to my mother one more time. I needed her guidance with all that is happening with Mike. So, I opened the scrapbook and it wasn't filled with pictures but my mother's words. She had written in this huge book her prayers to God. She prayed for each one of us every day. There were also many personal prayers about her own battle with depression and the pain she and my dad were experiencing with aging. How their marital life had been impacted by my father's diabetes and eventual blindness.
As I read along I got to the year when her own mother died. She told God how she had always wondered who would pray for her when her mother was gone. She knew her mother prayed for her every day. She said she now realized that her mother continued to pray for her even though she was no longer here. WOW.....my mother is praying for me too!!!!!! How many times she has spoken to me since her death. Always, when I need her the most. I am so fortunate to have had such wonderful parents. I promised her that I would take care of my brother and I know she is helping me to do just that. I just have to keep my own faith and believe that God will help me find the way to make Mike's life as good as possible.
I talked to Mike yesterday and told him I felt that the possible benefits of the electroconvulsive therapy outweighed the possible risks in my opinion but that I support any decision he makes. He sounded so much better and said his depression has greatly improved. Right now I think he is leaning toward NOT having the treatment but as I said to him it doesn't mean he can't change his mind in the future.
I also told him that I will be living with him from now on and he sounded so relieved. I'm glad I was able to give him that reassurance. I know this will not be easy but I'm going into it with an open heart and asking God to give me all the patience I will need. After what he has been through and myself included this is a no brainer decision.
I was thinking last night about how we attach ourselves to material things and for me it is my little house. It isn't fancy but it is my sanctuary. I have put so much of myself into my home, it is where I raised my babies, mended my heart and where I have now prepared a place to end my days. But what I realize is that there is no place or material possession that matters more than someone you love. Though it will be hard to leave and I'm not sure what is in front of me I am going to go forward and at the end of the day I will know I did my best.
