Keep the faith

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.  Although I was sick I did manage to make it to my daughter's house Christmas Eve and spent it with my favorite two-year old!  She had a great time.  She played elf and passed out all the gifts.  She was trying to distinguish the difference in the two Mikes.  (My son-in-law and my brother)  She finally came up with her own method.........son-in-law was "that" Mike and my brother was "old Mike".  It was funny how she came up with that on her own.

I finish my steroids tomorrow.  I finished the antibiotic Friday.   I am still wheezing and coughing so we will be seeing the doctor on the 4th or 8th.  I am anxious to see what comes next.  I guess the bronchoscopy and maybe the lung washing.  I'm just ready to get to the bottom of the problem whatever it is.

My older brother has not spoken to me in about a year.  I just gave up.  I haven't tried to contact him either but I sent a Christmas card.  I guess that was sort of an olive branch although I never did anything to deserve the way he has acted toward me.  I'm too afraid to make much of an effort because I have no idea how he or his wife would react.  I'll just focus my energy on taking care of Mike.

The other night Ron was talking to me about what he would do if something happened to me.  He said he would probably move to the condo with Mike and take care of him.  If possible he'd sell the one bedroom and get a two bedroom.  He would take care of him until Mike went to a nursing home. That's the first time he's ever said anything like that but it definitely would be cheaper to keep just one residence.
Ron's income would drop significantly without my retirement.  I don't know if he was telling me that so that I might stop worrying about what happens to Mike if I'm not here but it was a very selfless thing to consider.

It is almost the New Year and I wish I felt more hopeful for the country.  I've been donating to any congressional campaign running against the current congress.  Especially the democrat running against Paul Ryan.  I'm hoping to get back to the democratic headquarters here to continue volunteering.  They have been closed during the holidays and of course I was sick.

I'd also love to attend the Women's march January 20th but I know I can't be out in the cold air.  Speaking of cold air.....we are in the single digits right now.  We got the arctic blast from the North.  I don't know how they handle this cold all the time.  We are lucky right now because the wind has been mild.

Well, here is wishing everyone a healthy, prosperous and happy New Year!

 

When it rains!

As the old saying goes, "When it rains it pours".  Over the weekend I got really sick with bronchitis again.  I was too sick to drive to the city to see the doctor and of course Ron isn't allowed to drive so fortunately my daughters are on school break and came to our rescue.  My son-in-law came down with the flu and I didn't know if I had the flu or what because this time I have been so much sicker than before.  Fortunately I didn't test positive for the flu.  

The doctor put me on yet another round of steroids and antibiotics.  I've been in bed since Saturday.   The doctor called me on Tuesday and said if not better in 24 hours he wanted me to be admitted to the hospital.  I've just stayed low since desperately trying to avoid being in the hospital.  

Today I actually got dressed.  Still feel pretty bad but just making myself do as much as I can.  I know I'll be going to the hospital after January 8th because the doctor wants to put the camera down my lungs to see what is going on.  Sounds like a boat load of fun.  My only goal right now is take care of Mike (my daughter is going to help me make his meals for next week) and be home for Christmas. 

Mike just called me and wanted me to go to the store and get him potato chips.  I had to tell him that he is capable of doing that.  He goes to Walmart all the time.  He's testing me to see if I'm still here for him.  

Normally I like to believe I'm in control of everything but this time at the doctor visit I broke down and cried.  My voice is almost gone so it was hard for him to hear me.  I asked him if stress could be keeping me from getting well and then I proceeded to tell him my husband has fought cancer for the past 9 years, I take care of my brother with schizophrenia oh and my husband was just hospitalized the week before because of two grand mal seizures.  Once I heard myself saying it I just started to cry.  He didn't really answer the question he just stared at me and said "That's a lot of stress."

I keep being reminded that I HAVE to come up with a plan for my brother if something happens to me but I'll be damned what that could possibly be especially now with all the uncertainties is this country.  Then I just added this administration to my list of stress.  I've worried so much about it all, called legislators who don't give a crap and have just felt sick over it for the past year.

But, life just goes on and all we can do is try to roll with whatever life throws at us.

I remember when it was only me!

I was alone for 37 years and did everything for myself.  I have installed thermostats, changed oil in my car, done minor car maintenance and pretty much took care of everything myself.  I've only been married 6 years and somehow became dependent overnight.

I knew I was spoiled by Ron but now I am very aware of that fact.  I got so used to being able to ask him to run to the store for me and he always took my car to fill it with gas.  That doesn't even touch the tip of the iceberg on things he has done for me.  Now that I am the only driver in the family I can really see how much he did for me. 

Yesterday we took Mike to his doctor's appointment.  This requires driving on highway 9 which I've never been comfortable on but now it is really nerve wracking because I can't see that well.  I wish now I had gotten the cataract surgery back in September.  I wouldn't be in such a mess now.  I really can't see well enough to drive after dark and it's getting harder and harder in the daylight. 

I'm taking Ron over to Mike's to watch basketball but since the games aren't over until after dark my son-in-law has kindly offered to pick Ron up and drive him home.  In the meantime I have to get groceries so I can start preparing Mike's meals for the week. 

Being together every minute is both a blessing and a curse.  Ron's sudden lack of independence (being able to drive) has made him a little cranky.  I understand it but that doesn't make me immune to his sting.  I'm supposed to watch for any reaction to his seizure med.  How can I tell if it is the medicine or just a normal reaction to sudden loss of independence.  He keeps hinting that he isn't going to wait the 6 months to drive.  I told him if he doesn't he will risk losing his driver's license all together and that if he had an accident and killed someone he wouldn't be able to live with himself.   I have a feeling this is going to be an ongoing conversation.

To sum things up.  It's only been a week since Ron got released from the hospital and I'm still standing.  There is a lot to be grateful for including the fact I had all my Christmas shopping done before he had the seizures.  All the gifts were wrapped and under the tree and so far there have been no more seizures.  Mike didn't flip out and we are adjusting!

Home

We are home now.  Finally got checked out of the hospital about 3:30 this afternoon.  Sent home with a lot of instructions.  Ron has to make a follow-up appointment with the neurologist, they also want him to get a sleep study done (possible sleep apnea) and he is to follow-up with his primary care physician within a week.

We got his prescriptions filled and he is taking Kepra 2 x day. An antibiotic 4 x day plus his regular medications.  I know he is tired but he sure has been cranky.  Mike kept calling over and over after we got home and it was just making Ron irritable.  I shielded all the calls but just the fact that Mike was calling was irritating Ron.  I can see I'm in for a rough ride for awhile.

I sure hope we don't have any more seizures but I guess I'm prepared if we do.  If there is a next time I am to call the doctor immediately if it lasts more than 5 minutes.  (Oh Lord I don't know if I'll last if it's more than 5 minutes.  I hope I'm not afraid to go to sleep tonight.  I'll be on alert for the slightest noise.  I felt safe while he was in the hospital because I knew there were people to handle it and it wasn't all on my shoulders.  

Somehow I managed to get all Mike's meals prepared today and I'll take them to him tomorrow.  I need to spend some time with him so I can reassure him that I'm still going to take care of him.  In fact I have to take him to a doctor's appointment Friday.

I hope that I can sneak over to see little Piper this week.  I miss the little stink pot.  Nothing like a two year old to make you feel better.

Day 4

Well we didn't get to go home today.  Although Ron's fever was back to normal they wanted to give him IV antibiotics today and maybe home tomorrow.  Tonight he had blood in his urine so I am guessing he has a UTI brought on by the straight cath they did in the ER Tuesday.  This may have been the cause of the temp.  Anyway, they did a urine culture so I'm sure they will get something for that as well.  He did say he felt a lot better today and he was disappointed he didn't get to come home.

They have him on two seizure medications, Kepra and something else.  Side effect is fatigue.  If it gets too bad we are to let the doctor know.  Another side effect is aggression.  Again if it gets bad notify physician.  Sometimes I think drugs cause more problems than they cure.

I left the patient sleeping this afternoon and went to get a haircut.  After wards I ran to the grocery store to get what I need to make Mike's meals tomorrow.  While I was in the store I was fretting that my hair was cut too short when a very nice lady about my age stopped me and said, "I love your haircut...where do you get it cut?"  I gave her my hairdresser's name and thanked her for the compliment telling her I had just been fretting about it being too short.  I told her my husband would prefer I had hair cascading  down my back but the only thing cascading I me is the loose skin on my neck.  We ended up chatting a little while and then exchanged phone numbers with a promise to meet for coffee after my life settles down.  So fun.........never know when or where you will make a new friend.

I have a feeling my life is about to get really busy.  With Ron unable to drive he won't be able to help me as much with Mike.  Mike has really done great the past 4 days but his anxiety is starting to build.  When he gets focused on himself and worried about how HE is going to be affected by all this it kind of gets under my skin.  I realize it is his illness but it sure is irritating.  He wants me to bring Ron to his condo on Saturday to watch football with him.  I told him he has to be patient with Ron and give him time to get back on his feet.  I'm also concerned about how all these meds may impact Ron's disposition and whether he will continue to have enough patience to deal with Mike.  It was hard before all this happened.

Anyway, it's just another chapter we have yet to write.

In The Blink Of An Eye

I say it all the time, "Your life can change forever in a blink of an eye."  Our lives changed at 5:00 am Dec. 5th.  I woke up to this ear piercing sound.  At first I thought Ron was having a bad dream and I reached for his hand and his entire arm was stiff.  Then I could feel him convulsing.  I turned on the light and he was in a full blown grandmal seizure.  I don't know how but I stayed calm.  I turned him on his side to be sure he didn't choke and then I called 911.  I had to brace myself between Ron and the wall in order to keep him from falling off the bed.  The seizure lasted over a minute.  By the time the paramedics arrived it was over but Ron was still unconscious.  His eyes were still rolled back.

He was loaded on the ambulance and taken to the hospital.  By the time I was allowed to see him he was awake but had no idea what was going on.  He did recognize me so I knew he was coming around.  Around 8 am my daughter and son-in-law left to go get something to eat.  Jamie is diabetic and her blood sugar was dropping.  They had no more left when Ron had another seizure.  It was just as strong as the first one but only lasted 60 seconds.  This time he came around a little faster but was even more confused.  At one point they asked his name, he didn't know, asked him who is the President and again he didn't know.  The doctor said that was normal and left the room.  Ron then looked at me and asked, "Who is the President?"  I couldn't help myself, I said Hillary Clinton.  I asked him if he remembered changing his voter registration.  He said, "No".  I told him he's now a Democrat and he voted for Hillary.  He looked at me like he smelled a skunk.  

Just so you don't think I'm a horrible wife...I did tell him the truth.  He response though was, "I knew I didn't vote for a woman."   (He's got some splaining to do when he gets well).

But he is now in the hospital.  Lots of tests being run.  So far nothing to explain the seizures has been found.  Today he is running a 102.4 temp. so more tests and then hopefully he can come home tomorrow.  He will not be allowed to drive for 6 months.  This is not making him happy.  If he has another seizure during the 6 months the time starts all over.

The neurologist said we may never know the cause however he has a 50/50 chance of having another one.

So our lives have definitely changed.  But it is one day at a time.  I have to see if I can manage caring for two men now.  I'm gonna give it a try.