Salty old Maxine is fond of zingers such as:
“I have inner
beauty and I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it,”
“I’m at the age
where I can achieve ‘that layer look’ completely naked,”
“I once caught a
peeping tom watching me undress. I was going to call the cops, but I figured
he’d suffered enough,”
“I’d keep my cell phone tucked in my bra, but I can’t
hear it ring from that far away,”
“I just thought of a good way to spice up my
funeral ... I’m hiring a ventriloquist,”
“I garden in the nude, it’s a lot
cheaper than a scarecrow,”
”I don’t want to say I’m old and worn out, but I
make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.”
A
Perfect Marriage?
A
man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared
everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets
from each other, except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the
top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or
ask her about.
For
all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day,
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She
agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When
he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling
$95,000.
He
asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said,
"my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never
argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep
quiet and crochet a doll."
The
little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
"Honey," he said, "that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"
"Oh," she said. "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."
