Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Well, here is my update on what has been going on concerning my brother and his house.  Ron and I finally got the money together to try and buy my older brother out.  So we first went to the court house to see how the deed was written.  What we found out was that my older brother had already given his 1/3 interest in the house to his wife's son.  He did it without even telling me he was doing it.  I know he had every legal right to do anything he wanted to do but it was just hurtful.

So we thought about it and tried to get our emotions under control and then we went to see my brother unannounced.  I acted as if I knew nothing about the deed transfer and just told him we had the money to buy him out.  I told him my only goal was to make our disabled brother feel secure and that his home would not be sold out from under him.  They definitely looked caught off guard and there were a lot of looks passing between he and my sister-in-law.  Finally she said they have given their part to her son Rick.

We then asked if we could have Rick's number to call him and see if he would sell it to us.  Instead she called and then said that they thought it would be worth more in 10 years.  They said that in 10 years when Mike has no more money left then we would have to sell it.  I responded that I had no intention of selling the house in 10 years and that Ron and I would then start paying the taxes and insurance on the house in order for Mike to remain in HIS home.  I then told her that Rick would have to start paying his share of maintenance of the house that we would no longer do it by ourselves.  Well, this seemed to change things.  She said her son doesn't have any money to help maintain the house.  That they wanted him to get the house outright in 10 years.  I just said that would never happen!  I suggested strongly that he take the money we are offering now because it was either going to cost him to help maintain it or it would just deteriorate over the next few years and be worth less than it is worth now.  They looked shocked.  They said the agreement was that Mike would maintain the house in exchange for living in it.  I said that agreement was between Butch, Mike and myself.  That agreement is no longer valid since Butch gave his interest to another party and without Mike's knowledge.  Now the rules change.  That seemed to work.

Ron is supposed to meet Rick at the court house to sign the deed over and Ron will give him the cashier's check.   I won't relax until Ron has the deed in his hand.

Now, what have I learned from this experience?  Money can make families turn inside out.  That you can think you know someone and then find out you were wrong.  That in-laws can cause havoc in families especially where money is concerned.

My goal is to remain focused on my disabled brother.  To try my very best to make him feel secure and to put all this trouble behind me.  

We took Mike to see his psychiatrist yesterday and learned that Butch had threatened Mike by telling him he was going to send him to the mental hospital.  Mike had not told me anything about this and I learned about it when he told the doctor.  The doctor assured him that Butch doesn't have the authority to hospitalize Mike.  He told him that only he has that authority and he sees no reason for Mike to go back to the hospital.  

Over the past few months (because of all this worry about the house) Mike has had a few episodes.   Mike took extra medication that could have really hurt him.  He tried to cut his wrists (but fortunately didn't cause himself any harm) and also tried to hurt himself by trying to fall down.  He said he did it for attention.  Well I had him tell Dr. W. about all of this and he said that he could increase his meds but would rather try some "self-soothing" techniques to see if Mike can lower his anxiety and decrease his intrusive thoughts.   So we discussed some strategies for Mike to use.  The drugs are a last resort if this doesn't work.  They have such horrible side effects.

Personally, I think if we are successful in getting the house in our name and I am able to tell Mike that he is secure I think he will settle down and we can avoid an increase in medication.  I feel so sorry for him that our older brother has scared him to death and threatened him in such a way.  It's just not right.

I think it is safe to say I won't be spending any holidays with my older brother and his wife!



Florence said...

I'll bet the son takes the money in a heartbeat. I can't imagine him waiting 10 years to get his hands on the cash. I am so very sorry you are going through all this. Do take care of yourself in all this stress and unsettledness.

Olga Hebert said...

How very sad that your older brother would treat his family that way. I suspect some strong influence from his wife wanting to secure something for her son. Just not right.

Betty said...

I think you handled the situation very well. And, I agree with Olga.

Judy said...

I'm so sorry you all have been put through the wringer! You have handled the situation though beautifully!