Sunday, July 24, 2016

Money...the root of all evil.

There has been so much "stuff" going on the past month I have just been surviving.  My oldest brother called me out of the blue telling me he  wanted needed his third of the house my disabled brother lives in.  I was really caught off guard.  We (Ron and I ) have worked so hard to keep Mike in his house and living on his own I couldn't imagine what my older brother wanted me to do with him.  It seems that was not a priority or concern for him at the time just the money.  What I got from the conversation is that he and his wife have gone broke supporting all their adult children.  Now they need money and decided to get it from the house my mother left to all 3 of us.  I'm not arguing that he is entitled to the money it is just that I don't have it to give to him.  They wanted me to sell the house and put Mike in an apartment.  He said I could use Mike's share of the house and mine to support him.  (hmmm how generous)  Problem is the money won't last very long when he starts having to pay rent.  He only gets $800 a month from social security.  I already pay for all his food but he pays utilities, taxes and insurance and maintenance on the house.

When my mother died we agreed that Mike would continue living in the home for as long as he lived or was able.  I've had the sole responsibility of taking care of him.  I manage his money, pay his bills, take him to all doctor appointments, manage his medications and fill his med planners.  I cook all his meals and clean and maintain his house (inside and out).  I've never asked my older brother to do anything.  I realize he has his hands full with his own kids and his wife's kids.

Well to make this brief.  He has backed off one minute saying he will just sign over his share of the house to Mike.  Then nothing happened.  Then out of the blue we get a letter from a lawyer.  Unfortunately the letter was sent to Mike's house and just scared him to death.  He's scared his brother is going to force him out of his home.  I've refused to sign anything that would allow the sale but I have learned that if any one of us wanted to force the sale we could.  

I finally called my older brother and asked him why he hadn't told me he was going to a lawyer.  I told him I felt blindsided and hurt.  Which I do.  By the time we ended our conversation (me in tears) he once again said he would sign over his share of the house to Mike.  I did that a long time ago because I felt it was the right thing to do.  I made a decision that my mother was not able to make because I wanted Mike to feel secure.  So now I'll just wait and see what happens next.

I think we are getting closer to the day Mike will have to live with Ron and I.  He's way too paranoid for an apartment.  Too many strangers and his paranoia will shoot off the wall.  I was just trying to delay the day he'd live with us for as long as I could.

On the bright side......I'm so blessed to have my daughter's support.  They are both trying to step up and help us take care of Mike.  They are trying to learn what to do so that eventually we can get away for a few days and they can take care of him in order to give us a break.  We really need it.


Olga Hebert said...

I do not know anything of the circumstances of your older brother, but I am completely gob-stopped by his insensitivity to both you and Mike. This is certainly something you do not need on your plate now or ever. Your daughters are precious and must be such a comfort. Thoughts and prayers from the north country.

Florence said...

You know that even if the house were sold and your older brother received his share of the proceeds, that he would be broke again in short order. If he has gone broke taking care of his and his wife's grown children, they will blow through the money in no time at all. Then he is still broke and Mike is out of his secure home. Frankly, I would be tempted to fight it and let your older brother know that anything he got would be taken by the lawyer's fees. But I do hope he will come to his senses and leave well enough alone.

oklhdan said...

For the time being I'm just sitting and waiting to see what comes next. I'm trying so hard not to let this hurt my relationship with my older brother. Life is too short and I don't want to harbor any resentment toward anyone. Florence, my husband said the same thing that giving my older brother any money would just be a "temporary" fix for his problems. Until he stops supporting all those kids he will stay broke.

kenju said...

I agree with Olga. It is too bad your brother went broke supporting his kids and step-kids. Maybe he should have taught them to be self-supporting so he didn't have to. Poor Mike and poor you. I hate this for you. I hope he backs off.