Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Too many unknowns

Today I went to the new Absentee Shawnee Indian clinic and had my first appointment with my new doctor.  The new facility is beautiful and so far I'm quite impressed.  Of course my new doctor is youthful and probably right out of med school but then everyone is looking very youthful to me these days.  What my doctor and I were in agreement on was that I need to start making myself a priority.  I'm seriously going to give it a shot.  Just as soon as I have time:(

Ron got the new job which will start Sept. 17th.  Unfortunately the start date is after the CAT scan and results.  If he has to have lung surgery I suppose they could choose to not hire him after all.  It's just a gamble.  He is officially being furloughed from his current job so his health benefits will continue.  That was good news.  There will be no lag in health benefits.  So there is still much to be thankful about.

I can't even allow myself to think about the possibility of another surgery.  I'm on overload and that's how it is.  I just push all of this to the back of my mind and let it sit there.  I suppose that's best since worrying about it won't change anything.  I have to keep remembering that surgery may lead to remission or cure.  Since his cancer is surgical only it is the only option.

Ron is amazing.  He never dwells on his health.  He just lives each day and doesn't stress about tomorrow.  He makes it possible for me to put it in the back of my mind.   Now, if he has to have surgery again I know what kind of patient he will be.  We've been to this rodeo twice before.  The difference in this surgery is that there will be considerably more pain.  He doesn't handle pain well and he really gets mad.  I can't blame him but it sure makes it hard to play nursemaid.  That's why I have to get to feeling better myself in order to be of any help to him.

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